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Miss Manners: Deal with wedding, marriage with maturity

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently got married and, while I am happy that I got married, I find myself crying great big sobbing tears at the very mention of the wedding. I can’t help feeling it was completely ruined by discourteous people.

The maid of honor dropped out five days before, and our photographer’s car blew up (not an act of discourtesy, but it did add to the overall disaster). A wonderful friend found herself a seamstress who would do alterations overnight and a photographer.

My hair dresser didn’t show up, and my niece (God love her for trying) made a mess of my hair. Our videographer moved an elective laser eye surgery up (not his doctor’s decision) so that he would miss our wedding.

My brother cursed at me as we waited to go down the aisle because he didn’t think the bride was supposed to go last, and then pulled me along so fast I nearly tripped. I tried tugging on his sleeve but it only made him walk faster.

The meal I wanted wasn’t in our budget, so I ordered what we could afford for 60 people, and only 30 showed up. Some people who hadn’t even been invited did show up. They wore baseball caps during the ceremony.

The guests not only started eating while we were taking photos (which I found very offensive, as I was always taught that its not proper to serve yourself until the host and/or hostess has at least joined the room), but all took double portions and left the wedding party with very little.

I don’t even feel like this was my wedding. I feel like it was a wedding where I got married. I hate that I feel that way, but don’t know how to change.

My mother had no interest in planning, paying or participating in my wedding. My mother-in-law really worked, helping, asking what I wanted rather than trying to take over the entire affair. She and my father-in-law paid to rent the hall. I appreciate all of that very much. But she wants pictures, and I very honestly do not want pictures to exist of this day.

Can you tell me how to choke that back and lie through my teeth? Because I cannot find a polite way to tell her that even though she worked really hard and I really am grateful, the wedding was lousy and it makes my heart sad to think about it.

GENTLE READER: Madam, please! You are hysterical. Get a grip on yourself.

You have a new husband, a wonderful and resourceful friend, and generous and tactful parents-in-law.

And yet you are carrying on, sobbing about your wedding? What does your poor husband think about your behavior?

Because weddings are complicated events involving many people and variables, things rarely go exactly as planned. Mature people take this in stride and recount it later, laughing rather than sobbing, which is a good thing because marriage requires maturity. Miss Manners can only hope, for the sake of your husband, that you are able to grow up quickly.



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