Carolyn Hax: Wedding versus football schedule

Dear Carolyn: I got engaged in February. My fiance’s family is wonderful and seemed so family-oriented. His younger brother plays college football, which made it difficult to have a wedding in the fall. However, we wanted a fall wedding, so his parents pulled out his brother’s football schedule.

Turns out his team scheduled a game on our wedding date. His family, mainly his parents, expected us to change the date. However, we were three months into planning and this was not something we could do.

I cannot believe his entire family thinks this is acceptable. Not only is it JUST a game, but the game is also nonconference, and so is insignificant. – T.

It may be JUST a game, but fall is JUST a season.

You could also have chosen a Sunday.

Now, let’s say the coach, the parents and I are the only ones on Earth who see an argument for moving the wedding – in other words, let’s say You’re Right. There’s still nothing in it for you. The brother’s still choosing the game.

Accordingly, I suggest you set aside your wounded feelings, disappointment and mystification, and instead deal strictly with facts.

Fact 1: You can’t keep the date and have the brother there.

Fact 2: You and your fiance need to decide, together, which is more important – the onward march of logistics, or the brother’s presence. (If you reschedule, I hope the fiance’s parents pitch in for lost deposits.)

Fact 3: Either way, you have a choice of your own to make. Do you stay angry forever about the wedding, or do you accept this as part of marriage, that different needs, mores and methods – and bad luck – will conspire against you sometimes (usually when you’re most set on having your way)?