Hating Celts is justifiable

EL SEGUNDO, Calif. – The context was Lakers-Celtics. The subject was dislike, extreme dislike, dislike to the point of wanting to set fire to the other guy’s armpit hair.

“Sure, you could say there’s hate between the cities and the fans,” Lakers forward Pau Gasol said. “But as players, we try to be above that a little bit.”

And just a little bit.

“It would taste better,” Gasol assured of beating Boston. “I have to be honest.”

Hatred between the hub of New England and hub of the world? Between those wishing they could live here and those living here? Between the East Coast and the best coast?

In the first of a two-part series surrounding this seven-game series, we on Wednesday offer “Hating The Celtics For Dummies,” and by dummies, we don’t mean just Red Sox fans.

Coming Thursday, “Hating The Lakers For Dummies,” and by dummies, we don’t mean just Dodgers fans.

We believe in the equal mistreatment of everyone, regardless of race, religion or the adjective they use when describing Magic Johnson’s baby skyhook.

So sit back now and enjoy all the reasons to root against the Celtics as if rooting against global warming itself.

Let’s start with a non-starter, Rasheed Wallace. When he was with Portland, Wallace mocked Ron Harper’s stuttering in a playoff game against the Lakers. This is not unlike making fun of someone because their dog just died.

How can anyone possibly root for a person who would do such a thing? Too bad Harper’s such a nice guy and calmly dismissed the cruel taunts. Wallace deserved to be force fed his high-tops, with his feet still in them.

Following the Celtics’ 2008 Finals triumph over the Lakers, Kevin Garnett was interviewed on the court and awkwardly shouted something nonsensical through apparent tears of euphoria. Later, it was determined that what he was attempting to do was repeat a marketing slogan being used at the time by Adidas, the company that supplied him his sneakers.

So here was Garnett, finally realizing his dream after all those lost seasons in Minnesota, finally atop the hoops universe, pausing his gushing emotion just long enough to sell sporting goods.

The NBA … where gulling greed happens.

Rajon Rondo has a wingspan that measures a ridiculous 6-foot-10. His ego expands only slightly longer.

Last week, in an exclusive report, Sports Illustrated revealed that Rondo is the best point guard in the NBA. The source of the story: Rondo himself.

The Celtics also employ Nate Robinson, who hasn’t always been the sharpest Nerf ball in the pile. When he was with the Knicks, Robinson was benched after shooting a 3-pointer into the wrong basket just after the first-quarter buzzer.

Even longtime Knicks broadcaster Marv Albert called the stunt “a ridiculous move.” And Albert knows something about ridiculous moves, having chosen to wear a somewhat blond wig in his old age.

You know, it was easier to tolerate Boston when the city wasn’t winning everything. Then along came the Patriots and then the Red Sox rediscovered success and suddenly we wanted to tell all of New England to cram it with lobster claws.

The Lakers have won an absurd 15 NBA titles. Only one other team has won more than six. That team is Boston, the Celtics’ 17 league championships obnoxious in their volume.

Boston’s director of basketball operations is Danny Ainge. For those who don’t remember, Ainge played a lot like Sasha Vujacic does. Only he played better, meaning he played more.

Considering that Vujacic nearly destroyed the entire Lakers franchise in his 11 minutes of action last game, you can understand how annoying Ainge was when he was out there for 35 minutes a night.

Along with being famous for flopping, Paul Pierce also likes to trash talk and trash Tweet. Last round, after Boston went up, 3-0, over Orlando, someone claiming to be Pierce posted “Anybody got a broom?” Pierce denied he was the author, and then he cried about being wronged, begging someone to award him two free throws.

Boston also has given us Aerosmith, an overrated band whose lead singer is famous for his lips; Leonard Nimoy, an actor who helped spawn the Trekkie, one of the most dangerous of species.

Kendrick Perkins and his 21 technical fouls this season. Glen Davis and his Big Baby act. Ray Allen and his long-ago feud with Kobe Bryant.

We’d like to tie them up with one of Bill Belichick’s mangled sweatshirts and force them to watch Barbara Walters and “The View” for 24 straight hours.

Sorry to be cruel and unusual in our punishment, but the Celtics have earned it. Especially Wallace, a genuine ’Sheed head who couldn’t identify class even when he heard it talking.