Husband being punished for joke

Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been married two and a half years. We have a good marriage, but this winter over a casual conversation in front of the TV, I was fishing for a compliment and he responded that he considers me “an eight” (out of 10) in terms of looks.

I got really upset. It’s been over four months, and I’m having a really hard time with this. I’ve been taking it out on him by being extremely critical lately. I’m not a very secure person to begin with though I definitely consider myself attractive. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live the rest of my life with someone who could tell me I’m an eight to him, even as a joke.

He’s otherwise a great husband, and he’s been making an effort to compliment me a lot lately, but I have a hard time believing him. – Lost in D.C.

That’s funny, I’m feeling lost in D.C., too. But that could have something to do with how hard my keyboard just hit my forehead.

For one thing, “an eight” for most of us isn’t just a compliment – it’s sweet and awww-inspiring grade inflation.

As you worry about living the rest of your life with Mr. He-Called-Me-an-Eight, I wonder how long you’ll have that to worry about. Alienation of affection goes both ways, and with your beating him down the way you are, your husband might eventually tire of being in a marriage where everything he says is the wrong thing and his love isn’t deemed credible.

Please recognize how you’ve cornered and punished your husband over these long months. Please admit it to him, and apologize. And please consider getting professional guidance on exploring and repairing your deep insecurities. It’s not fair to ask the people in our lives – not even the innermost circle of loved ones – to fix every bad thing we feel inside. Some things, we have to fix for ourselves.