Spokane7
53°
March 1, 2010 in Features
See your situation from sister’s view
Dear Annie: I am 26, and my sister is 18 months older. We have never gotten along well, but recently, there has been a huge rift.
My sister and her boyfriend own a nice house, and she drives a new car. I am recently divorced and am struggling to raise three children on my own. Our wealthy parents have been helping me out a great deal. They purchased a “beater” car for me and are paying the insurance. They also have been giving me money for groceries and some basic bills. Still, we’re barely getting by.
My sister is enraged that our parents have been giving money to me for necessities, but not to her. Our parents have explained that she makes more than double what I do and has no children to support, but their words fall on deaf ears. Even though we’ve never been close, I love my sister dearly and want to have a better relationship with her, and would like my children to get to know their distant aunt. I also don’t want to be the cause of her deteriorating relationship with our parents. What can I do? – Little Sister
Dear Little Sister: We’ll try to explain this from your sister’s point of view. To her, it seems Mom and Dad love you more and she is being punished for having a successful life. It isn’t entirely about the money. It’s about favoritism and fairness, with some jealousy and sibling rivalry thrown in. You need to acknowledge her feelings (without defending your situation), and ask what you can do to make it more equitable. Perhaps your parents could set aside a similar sum in case Sis ever requires assistance. Maybe they could change their will to reflect a more accurate final accounting. It doesn’t matter what solution you arrive at, but you and your parents need to let your sister know you understand.
Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.
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slsgrayson on March 01 at 5:06 p.m.
Seriously? I don’t think that the reply gets to the true heart of the matter, which is that mom and dad can do whatever they want with their own money.
This is totally sis’s issue. I can’t imagine validating her sense of entitlement by suggesting to their parents ways to ‘pay her back’ for the money they are giving her sister.