Find your readers: It’s time to take boomer test
Tonight veteran news mumbler Tom Brokaw will present “BOOMER$,” a two-hour TV documentary on my generation, the vast and venerable baby boomers.
Fortunately for our time zone, the show will be broadcast on CNBC at 6 p.m. That’s good because the repeat airs at 9 p.m., which is way past most baby boomer bedtimes.
To be a baby boomer you had to be born sometime after America dropped atomic bombs on Japan up to about when Britain dropped the Fab Four on us.
To help clear up any misconceptions, I have prepared a brief examination designed to test your baby boomer knowledge. Please answer the questions and we’ll tally the scores at the end.
1. All baby boomers can tell you exactly where they were when …
A. John F. Kennedy died.
B. Richard M. Nixon resigned.
C. The optometrist said: “Looks like it’s time for bifocals.”
2. A baby boomer dream car is …
A. A 1965 Mustang.
B. A 1968 Camaro.
C. Anything with heated seats and good lumbar support.
3. Baby boomers owe a great deal to …
A. Dr. Spock.
B. Dr. Seuss.
C. Dr. Scholl’s.
4. Name the Elvis song selected No. 1 by baby boomers.
A. “Jailhouse Rock.”
B. “Blue Suede Shoes.”
C. “Viva Viagra.”
5. Baby boomers made a fashion statement in their …
A. Faded Levis.
B. Tie-dyed T-shirts.
C. Relaxed-fit Dockers.
6. The women’s liberation movement was spread by baby boomers uttering catchphrases like …
A. Burn the bra.
C. You’ve come a long way, baby.
D. Bring on the Botox!
7. Baby boomers rock out to …
A. The Doors.
B. The Stones.
C. “A Prairie Home Companion.”
8. The baby boomer generation changed the world by embracing philosophies like …
A. Give peace a chance.
B. All you need is love.
C. Greed is good!
9. Baby boomer attitudes were significantly shaped through popular literature, such as …
A. “Catcher in the Rye,” by J.D. Salinger.
B. “Catch-22,” by Joseph Heller.
C. The stack of Playboy magazines my brother, Dave, left me when he went off to college.
10. Baby boomers are known for gathering en masse at places such as …
A. The Monterey Pop Festival.
B. Woodstock.
C. Weekend home & garden shows.
11. Name the guru who most influenced impressionable baby boomers.
A. Timothy Leary.
B. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.
C. Simon Cowell.
12. Baby boomers’ passion for sexual experimentation is best articulated by …
A. Love the one you’re with.
B. Coffee, tea or me.
C. Seek medical help immediately if your erection lasts more than four hours.
And now for the scores.
If you answered A or B to any of the questions, you are probably a baby boomer who hasn’t come back from the bad acid you ingested during the Summer of Love.
If your answers were all C, congratulations! You are painfully aware that baby boomers aren’t hip anymore although many of us will be getting brand new hips in the near future.