March 9, 2010 in City

No potshots here – just space-wasting reader comments

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Welcome to yet another installment of Reeeader’s Windbaaag.

This is the forum that allows my readers to purge their inner demons without fear of being identified, verified or mortified by being forced to wear that purple monstrosity Zoe Saldana wore to the Academy Awards.

(The poor woman looked like a human Lilac Parade float.)

The following excerpts have all been culled from actual phone calls, e-mails and restraining orders, with my thoughtful responses in italics.

•John complains that our time-honored traditions of “no accountability for anyone in authority (police, fire department hijinks, River Park Square debacle …) have turned Spokane’s city government into one worthy of a banana republic.”

Look, pal. If you’re going to badmouth our burg at least get the nomenclature right. We don’t live in a banana republic. It’s a “Spokana Republic.” Got it?

•“In these days of shrinking news coverage,” writes Pat, “I’m appalled the paper would waste space with the likes of your column.”

Pat, my column has been a Spokesman-Review staple for the last 26 years. And that’s due to three things: 1. My tireless work ethic. 2. My undying support from city officials. And 3. A safety deposit box containing photographic evidence of certain authority figures engaged in, shall we say, Enumclaw activity.

•“When are you going to take a shot at the local Tea Party members?” asks Gary.

Sorry. I draw the line at taking potshots at the politically paranoid. Especially when some of them just might shoot back with real bullets.

•Chuck says he enjoyed my recent column on the gambling raid at a Twin Falls retirement center, but “my wife didn’t think it was appropriate to call senior people geezers.”

She has a point. In the future I will stick to the more acceptable terminology as found on the Internet, like: “coots,” “codgers” and, my personal favorite, “coffin-dodgers.”

•Earl is upset because The Spokesman-Review stinks. Literally.

He says he opened the paper a couple of times to find that it “reeked with a sickening sweet fragrance.”

Earl blames scented perfume ads and has asked me to do something about it because, “if it is you who takes this complaint to your boss, I am sure he will take it seriously and hopefully will discontinue accepting stinking advertisements.”

Earl, I wish our odor problems were due to highly profitable perfume company advertising. But these are hard times. We’d put scratch-and-sniff Limburger ads on the front page if the cheesemaker paid cash.

Unfortunately, that odor offending you is not Chanel No. 5. What you’re smelling is the sickly sweet death stench of the decomposing newspaper industry.

•“We are really tired of you continually bad-mouthing the bus plaza,” writes Doris.

Probably not as tired as I am of having to dodge the sidewalk phlegm puddles whenever I dare walk past the bus plaza.

•“One of your best columns today,” writes J.S. last Sunday. “If it was a meal, it would have been lobster at The Coeur d’Alene.”

Now that’s irony for you. With all the pay cuts and furloughs, I couldn’t afford a lobster bib at The Coeur d’Alene.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman- Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at dougc@ spokesman.com.

Seven comments on this story so far. Add yours!

• 

  IHike4Fun on March 09 at 8:20 a.m.

  I have to confess, I don’t know who Doug Clark is so I must have never read anything he’s written. But it seems to me if his view of readers comments is that they are a waste of space then I think I have taken the wisest course and will continue not knowing who he is or reading anything he writes.

• 

  horse_feathers on March 09 at 9:42 a.m.

  Hey Doug,
  I love ya man, don’t get discouraged by the rants of some fanatical hiking “coffin dodger” with no sense of humor, after all your a outstanding Spokanistany icon.

• 

  cowboy on March 09 at 9:49 a.m.

  hard to believe with all the corruption in a city you couldn’t find anything better to write about. how about the appointing of our new 175 grand a year park director and in the same week we are told the parks wont have water or restrooms because they are too broke.

  Or the Thompson trial is coming up will the feds give Spokane some justice and for our delight nail Rocky for prepping witnesses, or will we find the SPDs reach is beyond federal level?

  Or you could drive around town and report on all the streets that have went beyond simple potholes to total breakdown.

• 

  Orange on March 09 at 11:08 a.m.

  Yawn, again another ranting. No chuckles again. How sad. You almost had me with the phlegm puddles at the bus plaza, but that’s actually lung butter from the homeless.

• 

  D Statler on March 09 at 9:29 p.m.

  DOUG CLARK for Spokane County Prosecutor ! You really could be a coffin dodger Doug ! Thanks for your insight and your efforts to bring humor to our really messed up legal and political systems. I am surprised the Spokesman allows you to buck the system the way you do.They chased out their last reporters that watched out for the community’s interest where authorities are involved.

• 

  tlundy on March 11 at 10:09 a.m.

  I like Doug’s columns. The news is generally so, well…….kinda down at times and Doug can at least take comething and make us laugh about it. We need him! Go for it, Doug!

• 

  Orange on March 12 at 5:58 a.m.

  Yes you go Doug, but please make me laugh. Earn your keep.