March 16, 2010 in Features

The Slice: That Guy spells team with an ‘I’

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He doesn’t want me to use his name.

But The Slice managed to secure an interview with That Guy in Spokane Who Isn’t Going to Do Any Actual Work on Thursday and Friday Because He Will be Watching College Basketball on TV and on His Computer at the Office.

As always, you won’t believe the answers to my questions.

Slice: So how do you get away with it?

That Guy: March Madness, bay-bee! Gotta love it.

Slice: Yeah, but don’t you have actual tasks that need to be accomplished?

That Guy: Not really. I’m more of a team player.

Slice: Meaning?

That Guy: I go to a lot of meetings and frown appropriately about deadlines and whatnot, but I don’t actually do much work.

Slice: Well, do you try to be at least slightly productive between games or during the multitude of commercial breaks?

That Guy: That’s when I go to the bathroom and check my brackets.

Slice: Surely there is something you are supposed to be doing Thursday and Friday.

That Guy: Nothing I can’t crank out in a hurried, slipshod way. I call it “working smarter.”

Slice: What would you say if a supervisor challenged you about all the time you’re spending watching TV?

That Guy: The magic word is “Zags.” And I figure it’s OK because I’m not drinking beer.

Slice: If it’s such a big deal to you, why don’t you take vacation time during the tournament?

That Guy: I need it for Spring Break. Gotta take the kids to Wally World. Besides, there’s a bigger TV at the office. Hi-Def.

Slice: What do you suspect your co-workers who aren’t interested in sports think of you?

That Guy: Hey, everybody likes basketball. And everybody likes me.

Today’s Slice question: Should there be a bounty on people who dump out car ashtrays on the street?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. It’s OK if prom themes are laughable.

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