Friends remained through crisis

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On friends who vanish during a crisis (theirs, not yours): I went through a horrible breakup that really threw me for a loop like no other ever had. Although it was completely contrary to my normal personality, I just needed a lot of time on my own to think and adjust and mourn. I know now that part of my inability to socialize was because the breakup was often the thing foremost on my mind.

Not only did I not want to talk about it because it hurt to delve into and openly acknowledge it, I also didn’t want to bore anyone else by going on about it. Yet I didn’t really have anything else to say because, well, it was all I thought about.

I felt incredibly guilty each time I was blowing people off, but my urge to be alone won out. I had a few friends who were offended and pretty much dropped me (I don’t really blame them – I was a crappy friend during that time, and incredibly self-absorbed), and I had a few more with whom I just sort of lost touch.

But I have a couple of friends who stuck by me. They continued to e-mail, call, invite me out – consistently, but not overwhelmingly, without pressuring, with understanding and compassion, and they didn’t take personally my inability to deal. They let me know they were there anytime I needed or wanted them, but they seemed to get that I just wasn’t capable of reciprocating at the time.

As I came out of that funk over the course of a few months, their reaching out gave me a line that I could grab on to whenever I was strong enough. They helped me slowly climb my way back into the real world.

As I write this, I realize that I’d like to finally express to my friends just how grateful I am that they both kept reaching out and didn’t make me feel bad when I wasn’t quite strong enough to grab on. – Been there