May 3, 2010 in Features

Be gracious with prom date change

Judith Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a high-school junior looking forward to my first prom. One of my good friends told his good friend, who was organizing a prom group, to set me up with a blind date so I would be in their group.

My good friend confirmed which girl the guy would set me up with for prom and told me that he was going to be in the prom group, but had not yet found a date.

That night, I called the girl, asked her out to prom, and she said yes.

The next day, my friend who had been hanging out with me the night before told me he had met my prom date and said she was very nice. The next Saturday, I called up my prom date and asked her what color her dress would be, so I could find a tuxedo and cummerbund to complement her outfit.

That night, my friend took my prom date out to a movie and made out with her. My friend has now asked me if I would be willing to allow him to take my prom date and have the guy who is organizing the prom set me up with another girl he knows.

I am angry with my friend for making me make this choice, and I am angry that he made out with my prom date. At the same time, I am unsure how angry I should be because I have never met my date, and I have only talked with her three times on the phone.

I have asked my friend if he would take another girl and remain in our group, but he has said that if he does not take my prom date, he will join another group. I have become really good friends with this guy over the past few weeks, and I really want him to be in my group. He is also one of the few guys I would know if I went with this group.

I have talked with my prom date and my good friend, and they have both stated that they would like to go together. They, however, feel really bad about the whole situation.

I do not want to weaken my friendship with my friend, and I really want him to be in my prom group. He is a really nice guy, but I am very frustrated with him right now. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Hold out until you get what you want – a prom date and a good friend who are pining for each other but are stuck on principle with you and his still-to-be-chosen date?

Is that your idea of a good time?

Miss Manners understands that you believe there is a principle at stake here. She just can’t figure out what it is.

Romantic fidelity? Well, not really, when it concerns someone you never met. Fidelity to social engagements is, however, a serious matter. But the young lady has not ditched you; she and her new beau are apologetically asking your permission to change the arrangements.

Miss Manners would like you to consider this experience part of your education. The lesson is graciousness, and you are fortunate enough to be able to learn it at little sacrifice to yourself.

Thoughts and opinions on this story? Click here to comment >>

Get stories like this in a free daily email