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The Slice: Ballcap thinking can go both ways

I’ve been known to wear a baseball cap on occasion.

So if what I am about to say tempts you to brand me an out-of-touch member of the cultural elite, I would urge you to focus instead on something like the fact I buy a copy of The New York Times every day.

We need to agree that there are pros and cons to men wearing ballcaps — especially in Spokane, where the line between casual and clueless has long been blurry. And with Memorial Day less than two weeks away, maybe it’s time to spell them out.

Pro: Some people will think it makes you look relaxed and friendly.

Con: Others will assume you are yet another lightweight Spokane doofus who refuses to grow up.

Pro: Some will infer that you are or were athletic.

Con: Some will guess that you are bald.

Pro: A few observers will imagine that you know how to fix stuff.

Con: Depending on the team logo on your cap, some will assume you are an affectation-addled sports frontrunner incapable of an original thought.

Pro: Depending on the logo, people will acknowledge that you stand by your team even when it’s not doing so great.

Con: In Spokane, some people will assume you are dressed for a funeral or a wedding.

Pro: Wearing a ballcap gives you something to take off when appropriate, thus demonstrating that you are not a total rube.

Con: Hat hair doesn’t exactly murmur “Most likely to succeed.”

Pro: It could keep the sun out of your eyes.

Con: If you forget that you have it on, you might move in for a kiss and bonk her on the forehead.

Pro: If you lack an actual personality, you can try to mask that by wearing your ballcap at a jaunty angle.

Con: You might wear it backwards, thus indicting yourself on multiple counts of lameness.

Today’s Slice question: Whose wheelchair has the most miles on it?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Lots of locals have never been to Albi Stadium.

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