Teenage daughter abhors all chores

Dear Annie: I am a divorced father and have raised two children alone for the past six years. The kids are now 19 and 16. The problem is chores.

My son takes out the garbage, feeds the cat, shovels snow in the winter and cuts the grass in the summer. He also brings in the groceries and sets the table. My 19-year-old daughter, however, is reluctant to even wash a dish. She considers such things to be punishment.

There are times when I don’t get home until after 8 p.m. and still have to cook dinner. I pay my daughter’s tuition bill for college, and when she needs a laptop, she gets it. Yet, if I ask her to sweep the floors, you’d think I wanted the moon. She says she doesn’t have time, but if I walk into her bedroom, she’s on Facebook with her friends.

I really don’t think 20 minutes a day is too much to ask for providing a roof over her head and food on the table. Other than this, we have a great relationship. Both kids are respectful, polite and funny and make it easier for me to work because they can take care of themselves. Ours is the house where everyone “hangs out,” and I’m fine with that.

Talking to my daughter does nothing but create stress for everyone involved. Any suggestions? – Frustrated Dad

Dear Dad: Try allowing your daughter to be part of the process. Have a family conference, and calmly explain that maintaining the household is a joint effort and requires everyone’s participation. Make a list of chores, and ask your children to divide them with you so that no one is overly burdened. If she still refuses to cooperate, you have other choices. You can tie her tuition and other expenses to what she does around the house, you can tell her she has to get a job and pay rent, or you can ask her to move out. Living independently can often ward off problems at home.