The Slice: You’ll have to do better than a trip to the store for beer

Competitive Weekend season is almost here.

So maybe this is a good time to review the rules.

Come Judgment Day (aka “Mondays”), certain Inland Northwesterners will vie to see who had the most mind-blowing weekend. This is a subjective matter, of course. But agreeing to a shared etiquette can make these contests more congenial.

So here are 13 things to remember.

1. Try to resist the urge to say “Golf! Good grief, what a waste of time.”

2. Avoid sounding snide when saying “So you drank beer and went fast on your loud water-conveyance. Boy, you’re really making a difference there, Stu.”

3. It’s rude to snort when someone says “poetry slam.”

4. Don’t point a finger and snarl, “Listen, Dude, a long hike is not heroic. Iwo Jima, that was heroic.”

5. It’s bad manners to feign narcolepsy when someone starts telling about a remodeling project.

6. Not everything your kids do or say requires a full report. But highlights are nice.

7. It’s just confusing when you say things like “Instead of all that softball, you should run for Congress.”

8. At a certain age, “got wasted” ceases to be a charming account of your weekend.

9. If someone tells you he or she “watched TV, went to the store and took a nap,” you might consider the possibility that this individual isn’t trying to wow you.

10. Social service volunteering is more impressive when you don’t toot your own horn.

11. Keep concert reviews short. Don’t sing.

12. It’s not nice to say a sunburn is a sure sign of an unexamined life.

13. Listening, even when someone is talking about ticks or an Indians game, can be a gift that costs little.

How many ways can adults screw up kids’ sports: “How many adults are there?” answered one Slice reader.

Today’s Slice question: Has car-horn use in Spokane gotten more hostile?