November 8, 2010 in Features

Annie’s Mailbox: Choose your hubby or found ‘soulmate’

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old woman, married to a wonderful man for 23 years. But for the life of me, I cannot get over meeting “Ted” through my husband’s business 16 years ago. The second I shook hands with him, fireworks went off. It was as if I had known him all my life. I was so blown away that I met him for lunch a few times. (Nothing else.)

My husband soon left that job, and although I often thought about Ted, I never went out of my way to find him. Then, as luck would have it, my husband took a position at another company, and guess who else works there.

For the past couple of years, Ted and I contacted each other only through e-mail. But I saw him at a co-worker’s birthday party, and it was as if we were never apart. My friends told me that his face (and mine) glowed when we saw each other.

I know Ted has feelings for me. Neither of us has children. How do I tell him I believe we are soulmates? Or should I tell him at all? I love my husband, but this is a force I have never felt before. What do I do? Please help. I feel like a stupid little schoolgirl. – Lost

Dear Lost: It’s obvious that you are swooning, but please put your adult brain in gear and consider the consequences. What do you hope to get out of this? An affair? A divorce? A powerful attraction is no guarantee that there is a solid relationship underneath it. Are you willing to gamble your marriage on a fling? Your husband has done nothing to deserve the pain you are contemplating.

The idea of finding your “soulmate” is romantic in the movies, but in real life, the situation is messy and complicated, and may be nothing like you imagine. Either be honest with your husband and ask for a divorce so you can pursue another man, or seriously adjust your attitude to convince yourself that Ted is not so desirable, and recommit to your marriage.

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