Dear Annie: “Roy” and I have been married for 43 years. We have two married children and several grandchildren. We’ve had our share of problems, but I have always trusted him – until now.
Roy retired three years ago. Recently, close friends of ours informed me that they saw him at a diner on the outskirts of town, having lunch with a female in a “cozy” booth. Roy didn’t see my friends because he was apparently engrossed in conversation, laughing and smiling. My friends said at one point their hands touched across the table, and the husband said he saw them hug and briefly kiss at the woman’s car.
I checked my husband’s calendar for that day, and it said he’d had a dentist’s appointment. I remember Roy telling me it took a long time because there was a wait and then he went to the hardware store, where he “browsed.” I called our dentist and discovered he had no appointment that day. Annie, he lied to me about that entire day. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach.
When Roy was still working, I heard rumors that he flirted with a woman in the office who had a thing for him, but I’m the type who disregards gossip. I had no reason to think Roy was being unfaithful, but now I have doubts. I’ve been told perhaps it’s an emotional affair, not sexual, but I don’t even know what that means.
My question is, do I tell Roy what I know? My friend’s husband believes it is an innocent flirtation and thinks I should leave it alone. What do I do? – Very Unsure
Dear Unsure: It could very well be an innocent flirtation, but the premeditated lying is disturbing. Without naming your friends, tell Roy that he was spotted having a chummy lunch with some woman on the day he supposedly had a dentist’s appointment, and ask him what’s up. He needs to know that his tryst hurt you deeply.
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