The Slice: Here’s to one-bird, four-star days

Welcome to the first Slice Horoscope of 2010.

This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have flipped you off in traffic.

I guarantee this horoscope to be as accurate as any other. But remember, the stars next to your astrological sign are an estimated forecast of how your day is apt to go. They should not be interpreted as investment advice.

Aries • • • : Four out of five Spokane dogs surveyed think you’re swell. Don’t be afraid to speak up in meetings today.

Taurus • : Your mother’s characterization of your new boyfriend as “sub-verbal” is not a compliment. And your dad will not appreciate it if you fire back, “Yeah, well, look who you married.”

Gemini • • • • : You will leave home without forgetting something.

Cancer • • : The number of lunatics in your extended family now sending you insane, fact-free political e-mails grows to 11.

Leo • • • : Co-workers agree to once again let you sit with them at lunch after you promise to stop describing their meals as “industrial meat.”

Virgo • • • • : Someone you admire at work notices your new outfit and pronounces you “bowl eligible.”

Libra • : You will arrive at work and find one of those red-pen “See me” notes.

Scorpio • • : After you answer a “Man on the street” question in some detail, the interviewer says “I’ll just put down that you declined to comment.”

Sagittarius • • • • : People notice that you have lost one pound.

Capricorn • • • : Your neighbor who refers to public schools as “government schools” posts a “For Sale” sign in his yard.

Aquarius • : You will come home to discover your beloved old recliner out by the curb with a “FREE” sign.

Pisces • • • : A blogger calls you “Spokane’s version of Atticus Finch.”

Spartacus • • • • : For the first time in memory, your dentist says “I don’t see any problems.”

If Today is Your Birthday: You share this honor with my late brother. When he was a teenager he occasionally told girls that as a child he had played the role of “Boy” in some of the later Tarzan movies. That, of course, was not true.

Today’s Slice question: Do people who work every Saturday and Sunday get tired of being asked about their weekend?