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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Annie’s Mailbox: Mom ruining transsexual’s life

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I’m a 23-year-old transsexual man, and my mother is actively sabotaging my life and transition. I came out to her six years ago, and despite my trying to keep the lines of conversation open, she has been making every effort to stop me. She has outed me to employers, which eventually resulted in me losing my job. I’ve spent the past six months attempting to find employment while living under her roof to save money. This results in arguing and tears at almost every turn. I know she loves me, but this has to change. My savings account is dwindling, and I am at the end of my rope. It’s a little late to go back in the closet, and I will not de-transition just to make her happy. How can I make her realize that by trying to get her daughter back, she’s completely alienating her son and ruining my life? I’m completely stuck, with nowhere else to go. Please print this so parents of transgendered people will understand that they can seriously impact their children’s lives in a negative way. I’m hoping my mother reads this, because nothing coming from me gets through to her. – Carl, not Carol

Dear Carl: While your mother is not handling this well, please try to understand how upsetting and confusing your situation is for her. PFLAG (pflag.org) has a transgender support group that can offer some pointers for talking to your mother and helping her accept your decision. In the meantime, look for any job and start saving your money. You need to find other lodging as soon as possible.