The Slice: Crack open an Ice and enjoy
I’m sure you’re dying to know how The Slice would rank the names of the teams in the Western Hockey League.
So here you go. Let’s do it in reverse order.
22. Kootenay Ice: Sounds like cheap beer. Aftertaste issues.
21. Lethbridge Hurricanes: Geographically ludicrous. Lethbridge Blizzard, I’d buy.
20. Tri-City Americans: North Americans, maybe. Aren’t all the players Canadian?
19. Calgary Hitmen: How clever.
18. Saskatoon Blades: Sounds like a Will Ferrell movie. Or a “West Side Story” gang.
17. Kamloops Blazers: Seems generic. Is it supposed to suggest speed or sport coats?
16. Medicine Hat Tigers: Not especially original. Sorry, LC grads.
15. Red Deer Rebels: What are they rebelling against? Would prefer Stags.
14. Prince Albert Raiders: Ho hum. Would prefer Inacans.
13. Moose Jaw Warriors: OK, I guess. Would prefer Fightin’ Mandibles or Barn Cats.
12. Chilliwack Bruins: See No. 16. Would prefer Whackers.
11. Vancouver Giants: Again, this name has previous owners. Why not Float Planes?
10. Kelowna Rockets: Is there an aerospace presence there? Would prefer Inlanders.
9. Regina Pats: Could be worse. And that’s all I’m going to say.
8. Prince George Cougars: They probably have mountain lions up there. Go Cougs.
7. Edmonton Oil Kings: Well, it’s local. But there’s already the NHL’s Oilers.
6. Seattle Thunderbirds: Not unique, but not overused either. Sounds good.
5. Spokane Chiefs: If you are going the Indian-name route, this is the one to pick. Easier to take than, say, Redskins.
4. Swift Current Broncos: Sounds like a western hockey team. Regionally appropriate.
3. Portland Winterhawks: Creative without overdoing it. Better than Portland Hipster Doofuses.
2. Everett Silvertips: Nice variation on Grizzlies. Grrrrrrrr.
1. Brandon Wheatkings: Conveys sense-of-place and utilizes a winning blend of prairie imagery, plain and exalted.
Today’s Slice question: In terms of wagering on horse races, did you come out ahead at Playfair back when it was in operation?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. The practice of delivery services simply leaving packages on porches won’t last much longer.