The Slice: Will it be tricks or treats at your house?
Halloween isn’t until next weekend.
But you won’t want to wait until the last minute to prepare. So consult The Slice Checklist and ask yourself a few key questions.
• If you usually get 10 to 15 trick-or-treaters, does it really make sense to keep buying enough candy to handle 1,000 kids?
• What will you do if, against all odds, you wind up getting 1,000 trick-or-treaters?
• Do you want to buy candy that you personally find tempting?
• Would you feel right about dispensing treats that strike you as unappealing?
• Will you impose a height limit for trick-or-treaters?
• How will you respond to people who come to your door saying they are conducting a canned food drive?
• How will you respond to teenagers not in costumes?
• If you object to Halloween on moral, religious, safety or dietary grounds, why are you even reading this?
• If your plan is to make it appear that you are not home, do you intend to turn off all the lights and hunker down in the dark?
• Do you honestly think any kid will really want to be given a Benefiber bar?
• How will you react if you see someone absconding with your jack-o’-lantern?
• When guessing costume themes, can you avoid your usual “What on God’s green Earth are you supposed to be?”
• Will you remember to not open the storm door so fast that you practically knock the kids off your porch?
• Will you remember to report your final headcount to The Slice?
• Can you refrain from saying, “Princess? You look more like a streetwalker to me”?
• Do you have a policy regarding adult neighbors who show up holding a shot glass?
• What are your protocols for dealing with kids who claim to need an extra allotment for a sibling who is home sick?
• Will you have special treats reserved for the children from next door and across the street?
• Will your heart be open to being touched by the impossibly innocent sound of a small lion saying “Thank you”?
• Do you view being enthusiastic about trick-or-treat as your way of paying back those who helped make Halloween unique back when you were a kid?
Today’s Slice question: Who is the Inland Northwest’s best/worst carver of jack-o’-lanterns?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail email@example.com. Local-theme costume idea: Marmot with a gun.