October 23, 2010 in Features

The Slice: Will it be tricks or treats at your house?

By The Spokesman-Review

Halloween isn’t until next weekend.

But you won’t want to wait until the last minute to prepare. So consult The Slice Checklist and ask yourself a few key questions.

• If you usually get 10 to 15 trick-or-treaters, does it really make sense to keep buying enough candy to handle 1,000 kids?

• What will you do if, against all odds, you wind up getting 1,000 trick-or-treaters?

• Do you want to buy candy that you personally find tempting?

• Would you feel right about dispensing treats that strike you as unappealing?

• Will you impose a height limit for trick-or-treaters?

• How will you respond to people who come to your door saying they are conducting a canned food drive?

• How will you respond to teenagers not in costumes?

• If you object to Halloween on moral, religious, safety or dietary grounds, why are you even reading this?

• If your plan is to make it appear that you are not home, do you intend to turn off all the lights and hunker down in the dark?

• Do you honestly think any kid will really want to be given a Benefiber bar?

• How will you react if you see someone absconding with your jack-o’-lantern?

• When guessing costume themes, can you avoid your usual “What on God’s green Earth are you supposed to be?”

• Will you remember to not open the storm door so fast that you practically knock the kids off your porch?

• Will you remember to report your final headcount to The Slice?

• Can you refrain from saying, “Princess? You look more like a streetwalker to me”?

• Do you have a policy regarding adult neighbors who show up holding a shot glass?

• What are your protocols for dealing with kids who claim to need an extra allotment for a sibling who is home sick?

• Will you have special treats reserved for the children from next door and across the street?

• Will your heart be open to being touched by the impossibly innocent sound of a small lion saying “Thank you”?

• Do you view being enthusiastic about trick-or-treat as your way of paying back those who helped make Halloween unique back when you were a kid?

Today’s Slice question: Who is the Inland Northwest’s best/worst carver of jack-o’-lanterns?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Local-theme costume idea: Marmot with a gun.

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