Carolyn Hax: Big picture? The guy’s a lowlife
Carolyn: I: Three years ago, meet man on ski trip, we date. Introduce him to close friends, including Best Friend. Find out he has a live-in girlfriend, and stop seeing him.
Best Friend: Still e-mails him, and they start partying in the same circles. Invites him to events she knows I am attending.
He: Tries to talk to me and be “friends.”
Best Friend: Has big birthday party; invites him.
He: Approaches me, says he’s changed and his “situation” is no longer.
I: Get re-smitten, tell Best Friend that he and I are thinking about going out, and that his “situation” is no longer.
Best Friend: Tells me he is married to situation now!
I: ( Ticked), e-mail him and tell him to stay out of my life. Tell Best Friend I’m (ticked) he would even “try” with me again considering he is now married. I tell her I’m done with him.
Best Friend: Invites him to her recent party. Guess who he brings? His wife!
Best Friend and I: Get into it after I ask her why she invites him to events she knows I’m going to be attending.
Best Friend: States that I can’t pick her friends.
Is it me, or is Best Friend missing the big picture?! – Anonymous
I: Can’t believe you think that is the big picture.
On the (not-so) bright side, at least you and Best Friend still have this much in common.
The big picture is the echoless void where this guy’s character and integrity should be.
That means your friend’s glaring error isn’t her inviting your ex, it’s her embracing this lowlife as a friend.
And your glaring error isn’t your trying to pick her friends, it’s that – well, I guess you are trying to pick her friends. But you have justification for such meddling that you haven’t even thought to use: “I have a real problem with your remaining friends with this lowlife, given that you’re fully aware of his lying not just to me, but to the wife he refers to as a ‘situation.’ ”