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The Slice: Let’s get all the dirtbags in one clean sweep

People usually give me a look when I propose capital punishment for adults caught littering three times.

All right, I understand that it’s an extreme measure. And I understand that the death penalty is no joking matter.

But consider the upside of such a bold public policy initiative.

I have a theory that serial litterers are also responsible for maybe 90 percent of society’s other problems, large and small. So would we really miss them?

OK, maybe it’s not a great idea. Besides, the people who profited from immorally manipulating our financial system a few years ago might not be litterers. And any robust miscreant-culling campaign really ought to target those fine folks.

Just wondering: Which of the latest crop of Spokane TV news hires won’t be here long before heading off to bigger markets or finding another field?

Today’s Slice question: Which is the best male role model?

A) James Caan as Frank Athearn in “Comes a Horseman.” B) Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch in “To Kill a Mockingbird.” C) Burt Lancaster as Sgt. Milton Warden in “From Here to Eternity.” D) Sidney Poitier as Homer Smith in “Lilies of the Field.” E) Dana Andrews as Fred Derry in “The Best Years of Our Lives.” F) Tom Hanks as Capt. John H. Miller in “Saving Private Ryan.” G) Alan Ladd as Shane in “Shane.” H) Russell Crowe as Capt. Jack Aubrey in “Master and Commander.” I) Gary Cooper as Will Kane in “High Noon.” J) Kevin Costner as Lt. John Dunbar in “Dances With Wolves.” K) Denzel Washington as Joe Miller in “Philadelphia.” L) Harrison Ford as John Book in “Witness.” M) Robert DeNiro as Michael in “The Deer Hunter.”

N) Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” O) Clint Eastwood as Walt Kowalski in “Gran Torino.” P) Jack Lemmon as C.C. Baxter in “The Apartment.” Q) Liam Neeson as Oskar Schindler in “Schindler’s List.” R) Henry Fonda as Juror No. 8 in “12 Angry Men.” S) Jack Lemmon as Jack Godell in “The China Syndrome.” T) Will Ferrell as Harold Crick in “Stranger Than Fiction.” U) William Holden as Don Walling in “Executive Suite.” V) The first nervous train passenger who positions himself between a down-for-the-count Spider-Man and the monstrous villain in “Spider-Man 2” and says, “If you want to get to him, then first you’ll have to go through me.”

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. Nellie McKay or Nataly Dawn?

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