April 24, 2011 in City

Clark: Eddie Ray’s yellow brick road ending at graybar hotel

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So Eddie Ray Hall – Spokane’s notorious methperado – is off to federal prison for 16 years.

Today we mark this judicial development with the last installment in my trilogy of Eddie Ray tunes.

I give you “Goodbye Eddie Ray Hall,” a makeover of Elton John’s 1973 smash, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

Nobody can say Eddie Ray didn’t earn the attention.

He’s played the system for a fool since the mid-1970s, racking up at least 16 felony convictions, scores of dope and burglary-related arrests, and at least eight trips to prison, not to mention the bail jumping and escape.

But the big hammer came down Thursday in a Spokane courtroom. It was a sad scene. Eddie Ray, dressed in his Sunday best, read a tearful letter that made him out to be a repentant and changed man and perhaps the biggest victim of all.

U.S. District Judge Robert Whaley didn’t buy it.

Only time will tell if Eddie Ray really has changed. I hope so. But his lawless, over-the-top ways have long struck me as song-worthy material.

The first effort came after Eddie Ray was released from a prison stay in 2004. “The Ballad of Eddie Ray Hall” was based on the Johnny Cash classic, “I Walk the Line.”

Four years later, he escaped from a Yakima lockup and led police on a six-day manhunt.

That drama inspired “On the Lam Again,” a parody of Willie Nelson’s signature “On the Road Again.”

For Part III, Joe Brasch, my bandmate and best bud, suggested the aforementioned “Yellow Brick Road.”

Sold! I’ve always wanted to channel my inner Sir Elton. Besides, the pop star performed in Spokane recently.

And so I put together some lyrics from our story about the sentencing.

Friday morning found me in the studio where Brasch, as always, took care of all the complicated production stuff while I warbled to a prerecorded instrumental track.

Hear what we came up with at www.spokesman.com. Or sing along with your own internal soundtrack.

I give you …

Goodbye Eddie Ray Hall

All decked out in your sport coat.

You even combed back your hair.

Hoping for some courtroom kindness,

But there wasn’t a drop to spare.

—

All the arrests and mountains of meth,

Have finally come down on you.

You’ve ripped us off for the last time, Eddie.

Allow me to put it bluntly – you’re screwed!

—

So goodbye, Eddie Ray Hall.

Sayonara. Farewell. Adios.

Sixteen years in the slammer.

I think it’s safe to say that you’re toast.

—

You tried to tell the judge how sorry you are.

Even let the teardrops fall.

But he paid it no mind and gave you the time.

So long, Eddie Ray Hall.

—

Going to the Handcuff Hotel.

So many things to do.

Toilet wine. Sharpen your toothbrush.

Maybe get a new tattoo.

—

But sleepin’ at night when the joint is quiet,

Do you dream about Spokane?

And all of the songs I sang about you.

Remember the time you went – on the lam?

—

So goodbye, Eddie Ray Hall.

Sayonara. Farewell. Adios.

Sixteen years in the hoosegow.

You look like you just seen a ghost.

—

But before you go, a word of advice:

Be careful in the shower stall.

Ah, don’t bend over if ya drop the soap.

And so long, Eddie Ray Hall …

Doug Clark can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or dougc@spokesman.com.

10 comments on this story so far. Add yours!

• 

  terryalan on April 24 at 7:23 a.m.

  Bad doug…bad doug…*slaps back of hand*

  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  Thanks man….needed that laugh.

• 

  empyrius on April 24 at 8:17 a.m.

  Now now all!

  Eddie Ray is a victim who since birth had no chance to become a positive presence in our community . . .

  Alright I’ll let it be because I have no desire to construct that argument today.

  The issue is that while Eddie has remained an idiot, much like myself, the City/County of Spokane did nothing for us in our youngest years: in fact . . .

  When I was 13 the Hoopers and I (and a few others) were burglarizing the whole NW side of town; and while over the years most of the Hoopers have at least become working, family-oriented, productive members of society, Johnny and I have pretty much stayed the same idiots (thankfully we both quit the thieving though!) . . .

  Anyway, so me and a couple of other kids get busted right, and I do admit that while I was a punk, I was certainly not the smartest of punks! So the coppers get me outta juvie in the middle of the night and take me over to the station for interrogation, and boy did they lay it out smooth talking about how they are going to show up in court and vouch for me, help me get my life on track, I mean these cops made it out to be that they were going to be my big brother when I got out, feeding me smokes and pop . . .

  So they say, “come clean with everything: blah blah blah”. So I told on myself, told on my friends; and as the Lord is my witness I truly thought I was doing right!

  But no; all I did was get a snitch jacket at the age of 13 that still haunts me at the age of 44.

  So the cops played a little boy. They forfeited my honesty and integrity, and guaranteed I would never trust an authority figure again! And for years after that I was dedicated to breaking the law on principle. And when I finally woke up …, well, anyway . . .

  So lying treacherous coppers or Morning Star Boys Ranch is what we got: thanks Spokane!

  pax vobiscum

• 

  D Statler on April 24 at 8:54 a.m.

  We all make choices in life.These are the choices with good and some bad consequences.These are the choices that we made and have to deal with long after we make them.
  Now what happens when that 16 year old snitch lies on the stand and sends three innocent young men to prison for choices he and three others later confessed to making? Why is it, mine and two other families are still living with the snitches chioces? Where was the Federal judge and Marshals when it was time to undo this unjust act? Why did Judge Eitzen allow the “perfect storm of procedural misconduct”? Why did she allow the thirteen prosecutors to coerce her by “circling the scent of blood in the water” in her courtroom? Why did she allow the prosecutors to show up the morning of the trial and change the date of the crime?
  We all make choices and these choices I just described,sometimes hurt real people. The same way that Mr. Halls choices have hurt real people. Mr. Hall will be alot older and smarter when he gets out this next time.Lets hope he has learned from his mistakes.I also hope that Judges Eitzen and Price will see the damage done by their choices. Three innocent young mens futures were changed and never allow it to happen again under their watch.
  Happy Easter Spokane :^) God Bless Undooly_Prosecuted

• 

  D Statler on April 24 at 9:05 a.m.

  btw: Great lyrics Doug, You should immediately start work on your next piece about Spokane Drug Task Force’s legal drug dispensaries.Something like :
  
  Give us three and get crack free

  Down on the side of the yellow brick road

  Don’t worry if it is the truth now

  As long as we get some more stash

  LOL :^)

• 

  mrd on April 24 at 9:46 a.m.

  About time that guy got what he deserved. Lets hope the sentence sticks.

• 

  chefxh on April 24 at 10:08 a.m.

  Really? You couldn’t let the buttsex reference go? Being raped isn’t funny, and no one deserves it. Taking the high road yet again.

• 

  polistra on April 24 at 12:18 p.m.

  Eddie Ray doesn’t need to worry in the shower. Seniority counts in dirty places like the Upper House, the Lower House and the Big House. He’ll be giving, not taking. Bet on it.

• 

  empyrius on April 24 at 2:46 p.m.

  And don’t get me wrong, there are alotta good cops; I used to hoop at the Y with a great bunch of dudes!

  Ain’t none of us, well …, except one, has achieved perfection.

  Sorry to have come out sounding so bitter.

  I can’t even forgive myself, so forgiving anybody else is already a lost cause.

  Easter huh: imagine that.

  Peace

• 

  4sandybeach on April 24 at 7:05 p.m.

  What I’d like to know is why does the 3 strikes law apply to some who’s offences are relatively minor and an idiot low life like Hall, who has to remove both his shoes to be able to count all his felonies is still only getting 16 years??? And whadda ya wanta bet he gets atta boy points in prison and is back to steal from me and you again.

  Doug, keep your pencil sharpened and the Cholorseptic spray close at hand…you’ll be needing them.

• 

  nslopeofw on April 24 at 8:22 p.m.

  Anyone who is a career criminal, and doesnt care about all the heartache and pain he caused, deserves any and all “shower” incidents he gets. True, getting raped isnt funny, but in this case, knowing it is a possibility if one goes to prison (and they continue breaking the law anyway), it is just. I do hope he becomes someones “punk”.