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With trust eroded, she can’t move on

Thu., April 28, 2011

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We’ve had our difficulties, but the latest setback has me stymied.

After a two-month separation, “Cliff” and I tried to reconnect. We started to cuddle in the early morning, exchanged goodbye kisses and hugs, and our conversations became more two-sided. He would call or text to say how much he loved me and wanted me back.

When I decided to return home, I discovered that he had gotten drunk at a bar with some of our friends and caressed a female co-worker’s leg. I also found out that Cliff and this woman had been texting after midnight on the same evenings he had been telling me how much I meant to him.

I called this woman and asked what was going on. She denied everything. I was furious that she was not upfront and honest, although Cliff admitted to everything. He also claimed the text messages were simply chitchat about their workday.

Cliff has never cheated on me. I have forgiven him, but he sees this woman every day at work. He is open to answering all my questions, but I’m not sure his answers are the truth.

We live in a small city and have run into this co-worker a few times when we were out. She and Cliff never acknowledge each other. If everything is as innocent as Cliff claims, why do they act this way? I love my husband with all my heart. How do I move on from this? – Need To Get Over the Past

Dear Need: It is obvious that your trust in Cliff has eroded. You cannot be expected to get over something when you fear it may still be going on. Insist that Cliff go with you for counseling so you can work on this and he can understand why his behavior is so damaging. As always, if he won’t go with you, go without him.

Dear Readers: Today is Administrative Professionals Day. If you have assistants who make your job easier, let them know how much they are appreciated.

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