April 30, 2011 in Features

The Slice: Gargoyles have nothing on the Marmot Wizard

By The Spokesman-Review
 
File photo

With the wave of a paw, the gargoyles were put in their proper place.
(Full-size photo)

Jill Carlson is the winner of the Slice contest in which readers were asked to tell the story in 30 words or less of the gargoyles adorning the Chronicle Building.

The Idaho schoolteacher’s entry was appealingly nuts. And the subtle allusion to the famous gargoyles in “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” is a nice touch.

Here it is.

“Same ol’ story – gargoyles emerge from subterranean depths, wreak havoc (what else). Citizens appeal to the Marmot Wizard, part-time exterior decorator and emphatically pretentious Francophile. Following majestic paw wave … Voila!”

Discuss among yourselves: Defunct beer brands, demolished stadiums, the price of comic books, pre-merger pro football cards, the long-ago bedlam of Saturday matinees at real movie theaters, first bus rides, asking your uncle about a condom machine, chemistry sets, shoplifters you knew, being assigned to act as a human TV remote/channel-changer, the warp-speed of a batted Super Ball, “We Were There” books, and theories about troll dolls.

Re: TV commercials depicting unappealing characters using the product or service: I had intended to say a lot about this. And perhaps list off-putting ads.

But what’s the point? After consulting with several Slice readers, I have come to a sobering conclusion: There is no longer a clear consensus in our society about what constitutes obnoxious behavior.

If some nimrod firing an arrow at a croaking frog because it is disturbing his slumber makes you want to buy a certain brand of truck, be my guest.

Speaking of commercials: How many people found themselves rewriting a line from those Dos Equis beer ads recently after listening to some guy drone on about recent weather?

You know. “He is … the least interesting man in the world.”

Today’s Slice question: What’s one thing you won’t see at the Turnbull National Wildlife Refuge?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email pault@spokesman.com. Don’t carb-load before a “30 Rock” marathon.

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