Doug Clark: AAA card breaks tie with Leo

THURSDAY, AUG. 4, 2011

Well. Well. Look at the Big Brain on Leonardo.

Just got back from Spokane’s Museum of Arts and Culture, where I spent time marveling at the many works of Leonardo da Vinci.

I’ve been hoping to catch this exciting exhibit ever since it blew into town and Wednesday worked perfectly.

It being a workday meant I had loads of time to kill.

Anyway, I highly recommend “Leonardo da Vinci: Man – Inventor – Genius” to anyone who loves beautiful art or sharp-bladed machines designed to lop off the heads and limbs of your enemies.

Leonardo had some weirdly diverse interests.

It should be pointed out, however, that the da Vinci masterpieces at the MAC are reproductions, not originals.

That didn’t bother me a bit.

During one trip to Nelson, B.C., I listened in bliss as “Nearly Neil” reproduced Neil Diamond songs in the hotel lounge. I went away thinking, “Man, when you’re that good who needs real Neil?”

But getting back to Leo, this was money well spent.

Speaking of which, this nice kid at the MAC counter gave me a $2 discount just because I was a member.

Er, not of the museum. Of AAA.

Go figure.

What I’m about to say is probably pretty obvious. But one of the most deeply moving things about this exhibit was seeing all the eerie similarities between da Vinci and, well, me.

Consider the proof …

Leo – Born under the sign of Aries on April 15, 1452.

Doug – Born under the sign of Aries on April 13, 1951.

Leo – Quote: “There shall be wings!”

Doug – Quote: “You’ve never really been in a rock band until you’ve fired a drummer.”

Leo – Universally known as an “old master.”

Doug – Referred to often by editors as an “old (rhymes with master).”

Leo – Grows up poor to excel at science.

Doug – Grows up on South Hill to excel at making explosives in grandmother’s basement.

Leo – Quickly finds an outlet for his painting.

Doug – Works on a crew painting houses in Redding, Calif.

Leo – Known for his religious subject matter.

Doug – Was youth minister in a church until married pastor runs off with secretary.

Leo – Draws up plans for mechanical saw.

Doug – Uses electric chain saw to make new mattress fit into bed frame.

Leo – Puts town of Milan on map.

Doug – Writes “Spokane Song,” which includes lyric: “And another sex offender moved into my neighborhood.”

Leo – Spends hours occupied with the flight of birds.

Doug – Uses bird call to lure 100 crows over deck.

Leo – Accepts job to work in “service of the King.”

Doug – Accepts job to work in “service of the Hagadone.”

Leo – Fame spreads far and wide.

Doug – Gary, a reader, asks Doug to autograph visitor guide at the MAC da Vinci exhibit.

Leo – Suffers stroke which disables left arm.

Doug – Blows out left knee which disables tennis game.

Leo – Experiments with jets of water to study ballistics.

Doug – Turns old insecticide sprayer into water cannon during neighborhood squirt gun battle.

Leo – Quote: “When besieged by ambitious tyrants, I find a means of offence and defence in order to preserve the chief gift of nature, which is liberty.”

Doug – Quote: “Politicians – Same jerks we hated in high school.”

Leo – Notebook entries would make 6,000-sheet stack of paper.

Doug – Clark columns, laid end to end, would probably bisect Hillyard.

Leo – Creates “Mona Lisa,” now considered the most famous painting in Western world.

Doug – Interviews Jay Livingston, songwriter who wrote “Mona Lisa” as well as “Mister Ed” theme.

Leo – Giant “The Last Supper” painting draws crowds because of its subject and scope.

Doug – Behemoth gas-chugging ’67 Vista Cruiser a parade favorite.

Leo – Invents machine to lift heavy objects.

Doug – Always takes elevator over stairs.

Leo – Quote: “I will do things that no one in the past has dared to do.”

Doug – Quote: “Never underestimate the power of low achievement.”

Doug Clark can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or

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