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The Slice: Shades of your summer identity

Sat., Aug. 6, 2011

Which is your Inland Northwest sunglasses wearer personality profile?

Nonposer: “I’m trying to avoid macular degeneration.”

Feel My Face Relax: “Sunlight makes you tense up, even if you aren’t aware of it.”

Dictated by Style: “When I started wearing $10,000 Italian suits, I had to pledge to always don sunglasses.”

Princeton Could Use a Guy Like Joel: “I think they make me look like the young Tom Cruise.”

Playing the Angles: “At this latitude, it is insane to not wear them.”

Pool Putz: “I ogle. Sue me.”

Chauncey Gardner: “I like to watch. But even with the shades on, I don’t stare.”

Iceman: “I wear them because, in my imagination, they make me look like a fighter pilot.”

I Got It: “I wear them because, in my imagination, they make me look like an outfielder.”

I Like to Call Women “Baby”: “And it just seems like sunglasses go well with that.”

Latent Supermodel: “They complement my pout.”

Laker: “With the glare off the water, not wearing them would be like aiming laser-pointers at your pupils.”

Point Emphasizer: “I don’t wear regular glasses, so I need something to take off and have in my hand when I am vigorously concluding a statement that began with ‘Well, let me tell you this, young lady …’ ”

Ms. Mesmerizer: “I look so good in them, men all but whimper.”

Music Man: “When I wear sunglasses, I suspect that people assume I know all about jazz.”

Mr. Affectation: “I just like propping them up on top of my head.”

Urine Trouble: “Without them, it would be obvious to my boss that I am high. And I have no desire to be spot-tested.”

Soundtracker: “When I have them on, it’s as if the Beach Boys’ ‘Pet Sounds’ album is playing everywhere I go.”

Today’s Slice question: If you had been in charge, would you have green-lighted dropping an atomic bomb on Hiroshima?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Check out The Slice Blog at I wonder where Spokane ranks on the list of cities with the highest percentages of families purchasing their insurance from USAA.


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