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Boy has crush on girl with beau

Wed., Aug. 17, 2011

Hi, Carolyn: I’m in my mid-20s. Met girl at a program last summer, had a huge crush, but didn’t pursue because she had a boyfriend. She breaks up with then-boyfriend for another guy in the program. They do long-distance for the year, and we ’ve been friends over that time as well. This summer, Girl and I are back at program, not boyfriend, and attraction grows. We hook up, she professes strong feelings for me, tells boyfriend about her feelings and our hookup, asks for a break. He rejects her request for space, gives ultimatum. She sticks with status quo, but feelings for me haven’t abated, so her actions in the last couple of days of program don’t match her professed intentions (renewed flirting, in which I was an equal, guilty partner).

Now she’s had time away from both of us, appears intent on breaking up with boyfriend, but then is indecisive in the next moment. I’m crazy about her, but friends are warning me to stay away. We’ve been communicating since we left the program, but should I just back off until she decides what she wants? – Confused

Yes, yes, back off. You can’t make her slow down long enough to breathe between men (you all know about each other, so at least there’s that). But you can keep yourself from becoming part of her man-stacle course. If she means it, she’ll come to you.

Although: What if she’s back at the program next summer, and you aren’t?


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