‘Sympathetic’ still wants to break up

Dear Carolyn: My girlfriend of one year has been out of state taking a class and has made several friends. Before she left, we would hang out every day for hours on end. Now that she’s gone, I hardly talk to her.

When I do talk to her, she’s constantly telling me how she has gone out partying nearly every day with her classmates. I don’t like this behavior and have cautioned her to be careful drinking around new people.

After about three weeks of this behavior I decided I would end the relationship. Well, our next conversation was her calling me in tears and telling me that one of the guys took advantage of her while she was passed out the previous night.

Even though I am sympathetic and torn up about what happened to her, I can’t help but to feel angry with her as well. I haven’t expressed it to her but I want to break up with her even more. I haven’t because I would feel like a total inconsiderate (insert insult) if I did. I have no clue what to do. I’m there for her but I have no desire to be. – Obligated suffering

Actually, you have more of a clue than you think.

You’re “sympathetic and torn up” about what happened to her; frustrated that you weren’t able to prevent an outcome that you foresaw, and believe she could have foreseen had she been willing to say no to herself; frustrated with her for neglecting you and possibly running around on you. All makes sense.

You’re also still planning to break up with her, because, sympathetic as you are, you’re just as far down the road to estrangement as you were before the tearful call. Right?

By my count, the only blank you still need to fill in is, “What next?” A big one, granted – but one you’ll likely figure out the same way you figured out the rest of it, by reading the situation, being patient and trying to do the right thing. Trust yourself here.