The Slice: Speaking prior to making a scene

The Slice managed to snag an exclusive interview with a local infant who just landed the starring role in an upcoming pageant/living Nativity scene at his Spokane church.

Here is a transcript of that exchange. (You won’t believe what this kid had to say.)

Q: Are you nervous?

A: Nah. I was born to play this part.

Q: Who recommended you for the role of the divine baby?

A: My agent, er, mom. I have to say, she believes in my upside potential.

Q: Getting along with the other members of the cast?

A: Yes. A bunch of sweeties. Except for Joseph. Need to speak to the director about him.

Q: Why?

A: Creative differences. And I have a hunch he might step on my lines.

Q: Lines?

A: Yes. In the updated version we’re doing, the manger baby will have a few things to say.

Q: Such as?

A: I’m not really at liberty to talk about the script. But I’ll be questioning the age appropriateness of the wise men’s gifts and urging that someone, for the love of all that’s holy, please clean up after the sheep.

Q: How about your costume?

A: I’ll be wearing the Swaddling Contemporaries line from Nordstrom.

Q: Will you be calling on any of your Spokane experiences in playing this role?

A: Well, I had suggested that Mary and Joseph have a pickup truck. But that got nixed. Then there is the fact that, ethnically, I look like a baby born to northern Europeans. But that’s a discussion for another day.

Q: Anything else?

A: Well, when I suggested that I could wear a small Gonzaga sweatshirt, Joseph took you-know-who’s name in vain.

Q: What actors have influenced you?

A: Brando, of course. And I like some of Bill Murray’s work.

Q: How have the early rehearsals gone?

A: Mostly fine. But the director and I are still trying to get on the same page. He says things like “More intensity!” and “Bigger!” What does that mean? This isn’t burlesque, you know.

Q: Anything else?

A: I’d like to see the angels play it a tad more awed and deferential. But two of them are my big sisters, and those girls just aren’t the angel type.

Today’s Slice question: What is the Spokane-area definition of “cultural elite”?