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Annie’s Mailbox: Husband’s clear; he won’t change

Mon., Dec. 12, 2011, midnight

Dear Annie: I married “Henry” five years ago. It was my second marriage and his third. Henry thinks he is easy to get along with, but I find it difficult to communicate with him. If he doesn’t like what you say, you are wrong.

Last year, Henry had an affair, and we went for counseling. He claims I forced him into the affair because I didn’t give him enough affection. However, one night he casually mentioned that he also had cheated on his second wife. Even after months of counseling, he didn’t change his thinking. He stopped seeing the counselor because he would simply sit there and comment about how I won’t change. I’ve told him it takes two, but Henry thinks he’s fine as is.

Henry has some erectile dysfunction issues for which he takes medication, and I continue to see the counselor for my own issues. I do love my husband, but find it difficult to trust him, especially since he still considers the Other Woman a friend. I want to have a normal marriage, but I cannot get him to bend just a little more to be a real participant. Do you have any advice for me? – Just Plain Lonely

Dear Lonely: Even someone you love isn’t necessarily marriage material. A man who cannot be faithful, who insists that he is always right and who refuses to take the necessary steps to work on a relationship is not a good bet for a lasting future. Henry has made it clear that he is not going to change. You must decide if you can live with him the way he is or if you are better off without him. We’re glad you are still seeing your counselor. This is one of the issues you can discuss.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.

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