Slighted in-laws shunning husband

Dear Annie: We are remodeling our house. When we wanted to have a birthday party for our son, my mother offered to let us use her house instead of ours. It seemed to be the perfect solution. Unfortunately, my in-laws were offended. (Mind you, they didn’t offer to have the party at their house.) As a result, my husband’s parents and siblings chose to boycott the party. Now there is tension, and they are barely speaking to me, although they still speak to my husband.

My in-laws have always subtly favored my husband’s brother, but this slight was deliberate and noticeable. I don’t want to be the cause of any estrangement and have asked my in-laws what I can do to make amends. They insist nothing is wrong, but they give my husband an earful when I’m not present.

My husband says to let it go, that it is not worth the confrontation. I love them and miss them, and I’m hurt that they aren’t willing to work this out. I want my son to know his grandparents. How can I fix this? – Baffled

Dear Baffled: Your in-laws sound rather thin-skinned, and it is caring and loving of you to promote a good relationship in spite of their favoritism. Please take your husband’s advice and let things go. Confronting them will not make them feel warmer toward you. The important thing is that your husband defends you against their criticisms. And keep in mind that they probably will not want to be kept from their grandson for too long. We recommend you remain unfailingly civil and kind so your behavior remains beyond reproach.