An old-fashioned Christmas, please

Dear Annie: We have come to dread the holiday season. Starting in October, it’s a race between various women in the family to see who will get to host the family dinner. Then several relatives will not attend because of squabbles with others. Some family members go all out buying presents for everyone and insist on a full-family gift exchange. This can get really expensive.

Last year was financially hard for us, so we asked to do a one-person gift exchange and were ignored. We then insisted they not buy us anything, suggesting they spend their money only on the children. We were ignored again.

The holidays have become a royal pain, but we love going to the Christmas plays, family events and attending church. How can I tactfully tell my family our wishes to have a pleasant holiday season without the guilt tripping and stress, and not have everyone mad at us? – Give Me an Old-Fashioned Christmas

Dear Old-Fashioned: The only way to win is to stop playing. Announce to all the relatives that this year, in order to return to the meaning of Christmas, you will be donating to charity as your gift to the entire family. Suggest they do the same. (Charities will accept as much or as little as you choose to give.) If they insist on buying presents for you anyway, thank them graciously, but do not reciprocate. If necessary, remind them that you already donated to charity in their honor. Keep smiling, and stick to your guns. Don’t make their materialistic insanity your problem.