Annie’s Mailbox: To repair rift, seek counseling

Dear Annie: I have been with my husband, “Andrew,” for 10 years. During this time, I have witnessed the way he is treated by his stepmother. His father always defended his wife when she insulted or hurt Andrew, saying “she didn’t mean it that way.” Believe me, she always said exactly what she meant.

This woman is emotionally abusive. She told Andrew from a young age that he couldn’t be her husband’s son because they look nothing alike. She claims he deserved her treatment because he was bratty as a child. Andrew says he was probably acting out because his biological mother left him, and he didn’t want to be close to another person who could break his heart.

Last year, we decided to move closer to the family to help patch things up, but things did not go as planned. In fact, it got worse. Andrew finally had the guts to tell his stepmother how she has made him feel all these years. I also spoke my mind to defend my husband because someone needed to be on Andrew’s side for once.

So we basically have been kicked out of the family. It says in the Bible to “honor thy mother and father,” but we are struggling with this. I believe in forgiveness, but does that mean we pretend like nothing happened? Why is Andrew being punished for expressing how he feels? – Hurt and Confused in Wisconsin

Dear Wisconsin: People don’t want to hear unpleasant truths about themselves, especially when they don’t much like you to begin with. While your approach seems justified, it doesn’t sound especially diplomatic, and this is why the response was so harsh. See if Andrew can get your in-laws to go with him for family counseling. He should say that he loves them and wants to repair this rift.