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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Note to self: Don’t forget great aunts

Washington Post

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On older relatives who play favorites: My grandparents’ generation (all four sides) had a total of over two dozen siblings. During my 20-year Navy career, I made it a point to appear to be a good nephew by sending postcards from foreign ports and remembering birthdays and anniversaries, mostly because I enjoyed getting mail and care packages at sea. I’m a terrible gift-giver, but I learned that a really appreciated gift for an elderly relative was a roll of 100 stamps, so that became my go-to gift.

Shortly before I retired, a great-aunt who had lost her only child in World War II passed and left me everything. She mentioned in her will that she chose me as her heir because I didn’t forget her.

I really didn’t know how much the cards I sent every so often and the occasional letter meant to her, but evidently it meant almost a million bucks. I didn’t scheme to get into relatives’ wills – I was probably as lonely at sea as they were at home, and I really hated mail-calls if I had nothing. I had lots of time to write, so I reached out. Who knew, right?

If I had been smart enough to realize what I was doing, I would have been much more diligent in my correspondence. My brother is still jealous. – N.

On getting worked up over thank-you notes: I wish to share something about another kind of thank-you note. A couple of years ago, one of my favorite college professors died. I sent a note to his widow telling why he had made such a difference in my life. She, to my surprise, remembered me, and gave me the gift of a wonderful letter in return.

Since then, I have written several “thank-you” notes to people who helped me in one way or another, just through generosity. It’s for good karma, not direct reward, but, my gosh, people who have done good or been generous like knowing that the recipients noticed. – C.