I have one thing to say about the weapons-related arrest in Las Vegas of Washington state Senate nominee Roy Murry.
Welcome to Olympia, Sen. Murry!
I don’t normally make endorsements. But not since perennial candidate Barbara Lampert have I been more excited about the column potential of a local politician.
Murry, 26, is one of three nominees that 4th District deep-thinker Republicans have selected to fill the ailing Bob McCaslin’s vacated state Senate seat.
(COLUMN ASIDE: Get well, Bob. We’re all pulling for you!)
According to Washington’s Constitution, our three Republican county commissioners have until March 4 to pick a winner from that aforementioned trio.
Unless, however, the commission does something monumentally idiotic again, like buy another failed and contaminated racetrack.
In which case, the constitution allows the selection process to be delayed until after angry taxpayers storm the Spokane County Courthouse with pitchforks and flaming torches.
Due to all the recent bad publicity, Murry probably doesn’t have a shot (har!) at filling McCaslin’s chair.
But my close analysis of the reported facts will show how perfect Murry really is for the job.
Fact 1 – Las Vegas Metropolitan Police say they found Murry asleep in his parked car with the motor running.*
(*Walk into any session on any given day. You’ll find half our state senators snoring in their chairs and the other half staring dumbly off into space.)
Fact 2 – Police say they saw tobacco juice drooling out of Murry’s mouth.*
(*Murry will be able to relate well with many of his 4th District constituents.)
Fact 3 – Las Vegas cops say they discovered a number of dangerous weapons during a pat-down of Murry.*
(*Good thing Murry was in Vegas. In Spokane he’d have been immediately Tasered, run over or shot.)
Fact 4 – Murry’s weaponry allegedly included a semi-automatic handgun, two knives, two ammunition clips and some loose rounds.*
(*Hellooo. He’s a Republican. Besides, owning such a fine arsenal would make Murry the go-to senator to deal with NRA issues and the Olympia gun lobby.)
Fact 5 – Murry claims this was all a case of entrapment.*
(*It’s actually more a case of false advertising. How many times have we heard: “What happens in Vegas stays in …” Apparently not. I’ll sure be thinking twice before I ever take my best friends Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson on a Sin City getaway.)
Fact 6 – Murry is supposed to return to Las Vegas for a March 25 court appearance.*
(*For only 300 bucks more, Murry can skip court and upgrade to a suite at the Bellagio plus a comped pair of Penn & Teller tickets.)
Fact 7 – Murry disputes much of what the police have to say.*
(*Don’t worry. The whole matter will be sorted out in an upcoming “Cops in Las Vegas” episode.
Fact 8 – Murry says he has no intention of withdrawing his name as a Senate nominee.*
(*Yeah, right. Nixon swore he wasn’t budging, either.)
I hope Commissioners Todd Mielke, Mark Richard and Al French will see from this that Murry is worthy of a few moments of their combined ineptitude.
I’m not holding my breath. Right now the sports book at the MGM Grand currently puts the odds of a Murry Senate seat on a par with the Jets winning the upcoming Super Bowl.