Social anxiety disorder common

Dear Annie: Every year, we invite our extended family for the holidays. Last year, we had our nephew, “John,” and his wife, “Jane.” John is a terrific, lovable, normal 30-something. Jane, on the other hand, is not nearly as normal. For example, John removes his coat after arriving, but Jane keeps hers on for the entire visit. John participates in the conversation, while Jane shies away from talking.

Dinner, however, is the strangest part. We have never seen Jane eat a single bite. She doesn’t even pretend to eat. She simply places her napkin on her plate.

At first, we thought she was a germaphobe, except we have been guests in their home for meals, and Jane does not join the guests at the table. I once found her alone in the kitchen with a plate of food. When I asked her to come into the dining room, she replied, “The dog likes my company.”

Do you think she has some fear of eating in front of other people? How can we make her more comfortable in our home? Is this something we should be concerned about? – Worried Relative

Dear Worried: Jane seems to be suffering from a not-uncommon social anxiety disorder, which is a fear of being judged by others or embarrassed in front of them. It likely stems from an incident in her childhood. If she is willing to examine her fears, she may be able to overcome them. Some people have found success with behavior modification, hypnotherapy, counseling and/or medication.

If you are close to your nephew, suggest that Jane discuss it with her doctor. John also can get more information through the National Institute of Mental Health at (866) 615-NIMH (866-615-6464). Beyond that, please don’t make an issue of this. She intends no offense.