February 15, 2011 in City

Doug Clark: Cpl. Clark weighs in on law, disorder

By The Spokesman-Review

Back by popular demand, Cpl. Clark will now answer your latest questions about cops, courts and crime.

Let the illumination begin!

Q – Whew, that was sure a close call for those two city police officers the other day.

A – Yes. It’s not every day when you knock on a door and some nutcase charges you with a baseball bat.

Q – They took the jerk straight to jail, right?

A – Actually, they took him straight to Seattle.

Q – Seattle?

A – Last year the Mariners scored only 513 runs. They’ll take anyone right now who can swing the lumber.

Q – How come there’s been so much bad news lately about cops?

A – Beats me. But it could have something to do with bad cops.

Q – You mean like that sheriff’s deputy who got canned last month in the wake of allegations of poor work performance and criminal misconduct?

A – He’ll do.

Q – One complaint about Deputy Travis Smith was about a brass knuckle knife he discovered in a vehicle search. Smith supposedly stabbed the thing into the passenger seat because he thought it was funny. What kind of cop thinks knifing a car seat is funny?

A – A cop who thinks he’s a cutup.

Q – Think Smith’s laughing now?

A – His pals in the unemployment line say he’s a riot.

Q – You still believe there are heroes in law enforcement, don’t you?

A – Absolutely! In fact, one of the bravest men works at the Spokane County Jail.

Q – What did he do?

A – He went above and beyond the call of duty according to a recent news story.

Q – Which story?

A – The one that read: “A jailer found 14 grams of meth in Richard D. Hall’s shoe and ‘bodily orifice’ after the 27-year-old was arrested …”

Q – Does “bodily orifice” mean what I think it does?

A – It does.

Q – Whoa. It’s a thankless job being a jailer.

A – Not nearly as thankless as the job would be without rubber gloves.

Q – Changing the subject a moment, what’s your take on that juror who got the boot for sleeping in Superior Court?

A – The judge should have been tipped off when the juror showed up wearing a Snuggie and slippers.

Q – How come you don’t seem more outraged?

A – We rarely see justice when the jurors are awake. Letting them doze may lead to better verdicts.

Q – You’re kidding, right?

A – Hey, I’ve sat through my share of trials. Sleep is a merciful escape when the attorneys start droning.

Q – Do you think the juror should have been kicked out?

A – No. She was just following instructions.

Q – Instructions?

A – You know, “The defense rests.”

Q – On a final note, what do you think about that city police detective who is on administrative leave after being charged with obstructing a Fish and Wildlife enforcement officer?

A – Cpl. Clark has a zero tolerance policy for anyone connected to organized crime.

Q – Organized crime? What are you talking about? Detective Jeff Harvey is vice president of the Spokane Police Guild.

A – And your point is?

Q – You think you’re pretty funny, don’t you Cpl. Clark?

A – Well, I’ve never stabbed a car seat.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at dougc@spokesman.com.

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