Doug Clark: Cpl. Clark weighs in on law, disorder
Back by popular demand, Cpl. Clark will now answer your latest questions about cops, courts and crime.
Let the illumination begin!
Q – Whew, that was sure a close call for those two city police officers the other day.
A – Yes. It’s not every day when you knock on a door and some nutcase charges you with a baseball bat.
Q – They took the jerk straight to jail, right?
A – Actually, they took him straight to Seattle.
Q – Seattle?
A – Last year the Mariners scored only 513 runs. They’ll take anyone right now who can swing the lumber.
Q – How come there’s been so much bad news lately about cops?
A – Beats me. But it could have something to do with bad cops.
Q – You mean like that sheriff’s deputy who got canned last month in the wake of allegations of poor work performance and criminal misconduct?
A – He’ll do.
Q – One complaint about Deputy Travis Smith was about a brass knuckle knife he discovered in a vehicle search. Smith supposedly stabbed the thing into the passenger seat because he thought it was funny. What kind of cop thinks knifing a car seat is funny?
A – A cop who thinks he’s a cutup.
Q – Think Smith’s laughing now?
A – His pals in the unemployment line say he’s a riot.
Q – You still believe there are heroes in law enforcement, don’t you?
A – Absolutely! In fact, one of the bravest men works at the Spokane County Jail.
Q – What did he do?
A – He went above and beyond the call of duty according to a recent news story.
Q – Which story?
A – The one that read: “A jailer found 14 grams of meth in Richard D. Hall’s shoe and ‘bodily orifice’ after the 27-year-old was arrested …”
Q – Does “bodily orifice” mean what I think it does?
A – It does.
Q – Whoa. It’s a thankless job being a jailer.
A – Not nearly as thankless as the job would be without rubber gloves.
Q – Changing the subject a moment, what’s your take on that juror who got the boot for sleeping in Superior Court?
A – The judge should have been tipped off when the juror showed up wearing a Snuggie and slippers.
Q – How come you don’t seem more outraged?
A – We rarely see justice when the jurors are awake. Letting them doze may lead to better verdicts.
Q – You’re kidding, right?
A – Hey, I’ve sat through my share of trials. Sleep is a merciful escape when the attorneys start droning.
Q – Do you think the juror should have been kicked out?
A – No. She was just following instructions.
Q – Instructions?
A – You know, “The defense rests.”
Q – On a final note, what do you think about that city police detective who is on administrative leave after being charged with obstructing a Fish and Wildlife enforcement officer?
A – Cpl. Clark has a zero tolerance policy for anyone connected to organized crime.
Q – Organized crime? What are you talking about? Detective Jeff Harvey is vice president of the Spokane Police Guild.
A – And your point is?
Q – You think you’re pretty funny, don’t you Cpl. Clark?
A – Well, I’ve never stabbed a car seat.
Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.