Dear Carolyn: I am planning a wedding. My parents are not working and I have felt I would be paying for my own wedding for a while. I’m a successful professional. My fiance, however, is put off that they are not paying and has made several comments. “You could ask.” “My parents are more traditional.” “If we have a daughter, I want us to pay for the wedding.”
There is sometimes an argument, sometimes not. I would have no problem if his parents wanted to take care of something (they work). They never had a daughter to test that “they would pay” theory.
Should I keep mum? I’m planning with my mother and she may offer to pay for something. Again, I am not asking, but would not discourage any offers. This is expensive and I’m trying to keep it simple. – Washington
When you’re planning an “expensive” wedding and your fiance mounts a persistent display of selfishness, you halt the planning before the nonrefundable deposits, and thank him for revealing his true nature in time for you to get away clean.
You have money coming in, your parents don’t, and he wants you fishing around in their pockets anyway? And your concept of compromising/getting him off your back (at least, I hope that’s what it is) is to fish around in their pockets only if they offer?
Your fiance believes the “traditional” path (or, the path that benefits him?) is superior to doing what is kind, practical or decent. Please project this attitude onto your future, including not just your relationship with him, but also your career, responsibilities at home, any future pregnancies, the emotional health of those kids, and your approach to handling money, dealing with extended family, everything.
The keyboard dents from this one are likely to grace my forehead for weeks. But the regrets of pairing off with someone who is unkind and self-centered? Those linger for years.