The Slice: Preventing crime doesn’t pay, either

I know I really should get over it.

But I haven’t. Giving myself the “It was just a material possession” talk hasn’t helped yet.

Back on Labor Day of 2003, someone stole a full-size U.S. flag from the holder attached to my house. The sight of another, smaller flag lying discarded in the yard next door suggested to me that someone had been running around committing small acts of brainlessness and upgraded to a better flag upon seeing ours.

It was a distinctive Bennington-style flag on a wood pole.

We got a regular flag as a replacement. But I don’t put it out very often. I still miss the old one, purchased during a New England vacation.

The other day, I found myself wondering. What, if by some miracle, I had observed the theft in progress? And what if I had been able to sprint out the door and tackle the fleeing perpetrator on the concrete walkway leading to the street?

Let’s further suppose that the thief was a teenager. And that in the process of my landing on him, he had suffered a broken shoulder or fractured jaw.

I know. Chances are, his parents or state-appointed guardian would have sued me.

It might have turned into a maddening, expensive exercise where the simple truth of what happened would have had almost no bearing on the proceedings.

Yep. It’s better that it didn’t turn out that way. Better that the flag is simply gone.

Maybe I’ll actually feel that way after I give it another eight years.

How about you? Is there a minor property crime that still nags at you?

Today’s Slice question: A local online comedian had an entertaining bit recently. She said her husband sometimes refers to Spokane City Council President Joe Shogan in the manner of an exasperated Colonel Klink in “Hogan’s Heroes” addressing his nemesis, Colonel Hogan. Her husband supposedly says, “Shogunnnn!”

That made me wonder if people named Hogan still hear that reference to a ’60s sitcom.

Then I thought of the often testy Superintendent Chalmers in “The Simpsons” addressing Principal Skinner – “Skinnnnnner!”

How often do people named Skinner hear that?

So here’s the question. Has some use of your last name in popular entertainment subsequently burdened you with a seemingly endless parade of similar performances?