The Slice: Hail to the grade-schoolers

Just in time for Presidents’ Day, a friend who is a grade school teacher in Spokane Valley asked her pupils what they would do if they held the highest office in the land.

Here are a few of the kids’ answers.

A future policy-maker named Tyler would give children guns to protect themselves from kidnappers.

There might be one or two drawbacks to that plan, but OK.

Shelby would build homes for the homeless.

And then, no doubt, spend the rest of her term hearing about how we can’t afford that.

Canyon would “Change the price of gas and lower taxes.”

But in which direction would fuel prices go?

Kylie would “make prices lower at hospitals.”

Yes, we’ll still be wrangling about health care reform when she takes office.

Alexus would push for a law mandating that everyone have a pet.

Her critics would brand this furry socialism, of course. And the sad truth is that many who already have pets on a voluntary basis aren’t up to the job. But I think I know where her heart is on this, and I salute her.

Ethan would ban smoking, polluting and hunting. Alexandrea even specified that smoking could land you in jail.

Um, there might be trouble with the tobacco lobby and the state’s rights crowd.

And, finally, President Heidi would have a three-pronged agenda: “1. Feed the poor. 2. No more motorcycles. 3. No hunting.”

Maybe she’s done some polling.

Just wondering: What is wrong with the brains of drivers who see you backing out onto the street and speed up so it will seem as if you are inconveniencing them?

Slice answers: In the matter of how you would feel if your daughter appeared on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Bruce Werner noted that, considering the full range of publications out there, it could be worse.

And Kathy Hickman wrote, “As long as everyone says ‘Oh my gosh, doesn’t she look exactly like her mother?’ I’d be pretty much OK with it.”

Today’s Slice question: How many times a day does someone in your home say “What?”