She’s older by 20 years; can it work?

Dear Annie: What are your views on older women dating younger men? I am 56, and he is 36. He first asked me to marry him 10 years ago, but I broke it off, thinking I was doing him a favor. I then married someone else, hoping he would find someone his age. He did, but that marriage didn’t last. Neither did mine.

Am I being selfish? Is there any possibility that we could be happy together? My family has given us their blessing, but his is another story. I love him enough to let him go if you think I should. – Happy but Older

Dear Happy: The only question is whether or not he wants biological children. No marriage is a sure thing. Yours doesn’t come with fewer guarantees than any other. Our best wishes and congratulations.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Gagging in California,” who can’t stand being around people who smoke. She should be honest and forthright.

When our daughter was pregnant with her first child, she and her husband told us we’d be baby-sitting every other weekend. It never happened. I found out by chance that my son-in-law didn’t want their child around us because we smoke.

Our son-in-law avoids our home whenever possible. I love my grandson, but we are closer to our other grandchild because we get to see him more often. Then my daughter complains that we are showing favoritism.

Had they spoken with us about this in the beginning, it still would have hurt, but at least we could have had an honest discussion. My husband and I thought we raised our children to behave like adults. Obviously not. – San Bernardino, Calif.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net.

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