January 27, 2011 in Features

Annie’s Mailbox: Pregnancy wised her to ex’s true colors

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been divorced from “Bill” for more than a year and separated for almost two. I am currently expecting his baby. Obviously, we were still sleeping together, but this pregnancy was a total accident.

I’ve always wanted a second child, and this should be a happy time for me, but I am miserable. I’ve tried many times to get back together with Bill, and until recently, we actually “dated” off and on. The divorce was his idea, and he’s the one who initiated the possibility of getting back together. I always went along because I thought I loved him and would never get over him.

The problem is, now that we are bringing another child into the mix, I’ve realized after much soul searching that I don’t love him anymore. Bill still treats me with the same amount of disrespect and hostility he always has. I put up with it out of low self-esteem and a fear of being alone. We tried counseling with no success because he hated it and refused to go.

Should I end things between us and raise the children on my own? I don’t want to sacrifice my happiness just so I can have a second income and (minimal) help with the new baby. I don’t want to fall into a depression again and become a shell of the person I used to be. I want to be a positive role model for my children, and I don’t like the person I am when I’m with Bill. Please give me your thoughts. – Pregnant and Feeling Alone

Dear Pregnant: Pregnancy seems to have given you a much-needed backbone and a clearer perspective on what behavior to model for your children. If Bill treats you terribly and getting back together depresses you, please don’t do it. He is legally obligated to provide financial support for the baby whether you reconcile or not. If you have family members close by, enlist their help.

Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net.

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