July 1, 2011 in Features

The Slice: It’s the neighborly thing to do

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Happy Canada Day.

As a resident of a state bordering the beavery Dominion, you might wonder: What are my responsibilities during this national holiday up north?

Take today’s True or False quiz and find out. (Answers are at the end.)

1. Because you live in an adjacent state, you are required to do a Neil Young impression at some point today.

2. Until Saturday, you are obligated to stick with the party line that fighting is a necessary part of ice hockey.

3. You are expected to remember that Canada was in World War II long before the attack on Pearl Harbor.

4. You are required today to say “eh” and “aboot” a lot.

5. Those who are enthusiastic about the gun culture in the United States are expected to pipe down just for today.

6. You should try imagining what it would be like having a national identity shaped by the idea of NOT being the United States.

7. You are not to pronounce “Banff” as if it has five syllables.

8. You are required to have an opinion about whether Quebec should be a separate country.

9. Several times today, you need to do an impression of the McKenzie brothers and call someone a “hoser” or say “take off, eh.”

10. You need to remember that most residents of Toronto, Vancouver or Montreal probably don’t consider themselves backwoods rustics.

Answers: 1. True. Maybe try a few lines of “Old Man.” 2. True. It’s because Don Cherry played minor league hockey in Spokane. 3. True. RAF crews trained not all that far from here. 4. False. That gets old, eh. 5. False. That might cause certain opinion sharers to explode. 6. True. But it will be hard for those who picture themselves near the center of the universe. 7. True. 8. C’est vrai. 9. True. But you probably shouldn’t drink beer at your workplace. 10. True. Spokane’s traffic wouldn’t have them shaking in their Sorels.

Today’s Slice question: What’s your Second Half of the Year resolution?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Check out The Slice Blog at www.spokesman.com. You sort of get the idea that a person is not a lifelong baseball fan when that individual refers to a pitcher accomplishing the rare feat of throwing an “unhitter.”


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