Annie’s Mailbox: Fussy in-laws require patience

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. Two years ago, we both lost our jobs, so we moved in with his parents. The problem is, my in-laws are so used to getting their way that they become angry when they don’t. Friends and family members usually give in to avoid a fight. My husband and I, on the other hand, stand our ground.

Last week, we went to dinner at a new restaurant. When the hostess seated us, my father-in-law became upset and quite loud when he did not get a seat with his back against the wall. He demanded that I switch seats with him. When I refused, he yelled and cussed at me. He is like this every time we go out, regardless of the circumstances. He finds fault with everything.

I understand my in-laws are up in age, but I think they go overboard. My husband and I found employment six months ago and are now looking to find our own space. My in-laws get upset every time we look at a house without taking them along. They say they want to be the first ones to see the place. I bought a new car last month, and they were angry because my parents saw the car before they did. They said it meant I was ungrateful that they allow us to live with them.

They have been like this since I have known them. All of this nonsense gets on my husband’s nerves. Mine, too. How can we get his parents to understand that they will not always get their way? – Desperately Needing Our Own Space

Dear Desperate: They already know that. They simply don’t like it. You might be able to change them with a great deal of patience and behavior modification. Otherwise, learn how to deal with them in the way that annoys you least. Switching seats with Dad at a restaurant would have been gracious of you and not a big deal. But there is no reason your in-laws have to be the first to see all potential purchases. Take them when you feel like it, and if they yell, so be it.