The Slice: Ahoy, matey! Keep your conversation above board

So you want everyone to know that you are seriously into boating.

But you wonder: “What nautical terms should I sprinkle into everyday conversation to ensure that people remember that I’d rather be out on the water?”

Well, you can relax. The Slice has simplified this for you. Here are a dozen ship-shape options.

1. “Does my aft look big in these pants?”

2. “How much of what’s in your purse is ballast?”

3. “I like the family photos you have on your cubicle’s bulkhead.”

4. “Were you just checking out my fantail?”

5. “Oh, futtock.”

6. “Wearing your belt up high on the gunwales, I see.”

7. “This napkin is the size of a mizzenmast.”

8. “Stop staring at her bulwarks.”

9. “Waitress, could we have a table with scuppers?”

10. “You practically need a windlass to get my husband up out of his recliner.”

11. “Hawse hole!”

12. “I thought she told me to ‘Pull on the backstay,’ but what she actually said was ‘Stay back.’ ”

Slice answer: “The last time I gave someone the finger was in seventh grade,” wrote Caroline Cunningham, recalling an incident from about four years ago.

“A boy on the bus – he always had to sit up front so the driver could keep an eye on him, you probably know the type – always used to push me just as I got off. So I almost fell down the steps.

“That day, I turned around and socked him. Probably not too hard, but he got the message. (He actually looked very shocked.)

“As I got off the bus, he performed the ‘champion’ gesture – both fists in the air.

“So I flipped him off before I walked home.

“I haven’t done it since.”

Not trying to freak anybody out here: But have you noticed sunrise getting later?

Apparently this happens every year.

Twenty years ago in Northwest popular culture: “Twin Peaks” fans weren’t always also “Northern Exposure” fans.

Today’s Slice question: When was the last time you got lost while driving in or around Spokane?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Check out The Slice Blog at www.spokesman.com. I wonder how many miles of fences there are inside the city limits of Spokane.

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