Dolphins’ Marshall advocates for others plagued by BPD

Brandon Marshall has been holed up in the theater room of his new home for the better part of five days.

The home is grand and gorgeous, but the theater room is the world’s loneliest. Even its sole occupant is unable to see himself.

He has been calm and introspective for hours talking about his disturbing childhood, dysfunctional family and the incident earlier that April week that led to the arrest of his wife Michi Nogami-Marshall for allegedly stabbing him during a domestic dispute.

Then, as if a switch had been flipped, Marshall’s fuse is lit. The Miami Dolphins’ star receiver becomes agitated – then deflated – after watching his lesser-known contemporary Calvin Johnson in a national television commercial.

It’s the kind of gig Marshall always has desired, but will never receive because of a troublesome past, riddled with emotional outbursts and public disputes dating back to his days at the University of Central Florida.

These days it’s difficult to convince himself – much less the world – he’s not volatile. It’s hard to persuade people you’re not a ticking time bomb when you’ve blown up so many times before.

Marshall has received counseling five times, sometimes by NFL order. But all they really led to was more frustration.

“Count to 10! What’s that going to do?” Marshall said. “I’m still angry when I’m finished.”

Four years of therapy never helped Marshall gain a better understanding of how to deal with his issues. Until now.

After three months of treatment and therapy, psychological and neurological exams at Boston’s McLean Hospital, the training ground for Harvard University medical students, Marshall believes he’s finally at the root of his struggles.

He has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, or BPD.

“BPD is a well-understood psychological disorder. It’s not a form of misbehavior,” said Mary Zanarini, a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School, who treated Marshall this summer.

BPD is a mental illness that studies say is more common than schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but is rarely diagnosed because of misperceptions in the mental health community and the challenges of providing a proper treatment plan.

The disorder is marked by difficulties with relationships and self-image and controlling moods and emotions.

During Marshall’s treatment at McLean, he learned how to defuse the bomb inside of his head. Now with the tools and a new perspective he’s returning to the real world, to the NFL, to a marriage he admittedly broke, and to a wife who feels vilified.

He has informed the Dolphins of his diagnosis and said he is revealing his story with the goal of creating more awareness of BPD and advocating for better treatment and medical coverage for a treatment program that cost him $60,000.

“By no means am I all healed or fixed,” Marshall said, “but it’s like a light bulbs been turned on in my dark room.”

In 2010, Marshall landed a $50 million contract in his home state, and married a beautiful and educated woman whom he said completes him. Life was supposed to be great. But all the luxuries meant nothing because Marshall sparingly enjoyed himself off the football field.

He said he was depressed. After being scorned by so many loved ones, he was scared to trust. He never opened up to Michi and often lashed out.

Sometimes the emotion Marshall struggled to contain surfaced on the field. Following an outburst during a team meeting, Ricky Williams recommended that Marshall seek help at McLean, where Williams received treatment for his personal struggles.

Marshall initially held sessions over the phone, then visited Boston every few weeks in January and February to sit down with clinicians. After his altercation with Michi – he admits he trapped her in a closet to keep her from leaving – he knew he needed more intense treatment.

“It wasn’t till I got here that I understood why I was so unhappy, why I was so miserable,” Marshall said. “But understanding is merely the beginning of the journey.”

Marshall underwent three types of treatment. He met on a daily basis with clinicians and fellow BPD patients for at least four hours a day learning how to properly process his emotions. He’s discovering things like mindfulness, radical acceptance, distress tolerance, which comes naturally to most, but doesn’t to someone suffering from BPD.

His goal is to advocate for advancements in BPD research and treatment, and he plans to fight for effective BPD screening in the mental health community because he’d love to see fewer people crippled by what he’s learned is a treatable disorder.

“Brandon’s doing an extraordinary job of coming forth,” said Jody O’Malley, his case manager at McLean. “He’s using what he’s learned to touch other people’s lives who are dramatically impacted by loved ones who have borderline personality disorder.”