June 6, 2011 in Features

The Slice: Lemonade stand left a sour taste

By The Spokesman-Review

Who’s in the mood for an uncute kids story?

It turns out not all children are adorable.

“The reason I write is to relate a lemonade stand story that happened to me last Saturday (5/28),” wrote Jeffrey Wisman. “These kids weren’t as nice as those you meet.

“I went for a bike ride. Early into the ride I stopped at a stop sign. Across the street, about 50 feet to my right, were three girls about 10 years old. They called out, ‘Hey, you want some lemonade? Hey, you want some lemonade? You in the blue shirt.’

“I said, ‘It’s not hot enough. I’m not hot enough yet.’

“Their reply: ‘You’re retarded!’ ”

Today’s Slice question: What would you guess will happen in a romance begun over the weekend at ArtFest?

A) His hygiene issues will really start to bug her by Week 2. B) The revelation of her credit-card debt will give him pause. C) They’ll have a fight about her wearing the same clothes every day. D) When his friends won’t stop teasing her about liking that one pop song, he will get angry and defend her. She will then give him a look and, in that moment, they will evolve from hanging out to something more. E) He will discover that she’s not really over her ex.

F) After three weeks, she will finally comment on his lack of fitness and that will be that. G) She will wake up one morning and realize his entire personality is based on disdaining popular culture. H) His admirable diplomacy at the first meet-the-family gathering will have her thinking he might be the one. I) Eventually even her great-smelling hair can’t make him forget that she is a bore with zero interest in current affairs. J) She will quickly realize that all that talk about carbon footprints was calculated to get her into bed.

K) His lunkheaded taste in movies triggers a “Let’s just be friends” talk. L) Watching her quietly comfort a crying child, he will fall in love with her and they will live happily ever after. M) They will break up and get back together 12 times by Labor Day.

N) They will bring their newborn daughter, Emma, to ArtFest 2013. O) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email pault@spokesman.com. Thanks to all who reminded me of that chilling “Ladybug” nursery rhyme.

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