June 7, 2011 in Features

The Slice: It’s 1 a.m.; it must be his time to scream

 

One side-effect of summer’s approach is that Spokane’s collateral noise level goes up after dark.

Why? Well, let’s explore that.

Here is a transcript of The Slice’s interview with The Young Man Outside Yelling for No Apparent Reason at 1 a.m.

Q: What’s with all the noise?

A: It’s a mating call of sorts.

Q: Do young women find yelling attractive?

A: What they respond to is the evidence that I have a lust for life. And a certain appearance of craziness bespeaks a passion for adventure.

Q: How do young women feel about the fact that you have had 10 beers and are about to throw up?

A: Oddly enough, they don’t seem to mind. Especially if they’ve had a few themselves.

Q: But there’s more to this than trying to seem like an edgy wild man, right?

A: Oh, sure. Hormones are a part of it. But also, there’s that perennial fan favorite: peer pressure.

Q: Peer pressure makes you whoop it up at 1 a.m.?

A: Yes, it does. We all want to be seen as fun-loving, carefree spirits. And leaning out a car window and bellowing some inchoate nonsense signals that one possesses a dynamic personality.

Q: OK. But you understand, don’t you, that inebriated driving and vandalism are over the line?

A: Wooooo-hoooooo! What?

Q: Do all young men experience the need to make a lot of noise on summer nights?

A: Mostly it’s those of us who never made the connection between academic achievement and opportunity. We are the irrepressible rebels who do most of the howling. The others are losers. They don’t know how to party.

Q: How do you think you will look back on this when you are older?

A: Like when I’m a rock star, an NFL quarterback or some sort of Internet zillionaire? I’m sure I’ll think the younger me was a cool dude who had it all figured out. Wooooo-hoooooo!

Q: Is it really that you are simply afraid to leave your youth behind?

A: No, man. I don’t plan on getting old. Ever.

Today’s Slice question: How often do home remodeling projects lead couples to the brink of divorce?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Check out The Slice Blog at www.spokesman.com. I always liked that Jim Lehrer didn’t have the bags under his eyes fixed.


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