Lately, life with partner a struggle

Dear Annie: I am in my late 50s, divorced, with a career that spans 30 years. I have been successful in my life with one exception – relationships.

I have been with “Ted” for more than seven years. The first half was good, but the second half has been a constant struggle. The problems began when Ted retired at age 55. His addictions flourished – excessive drinking, credit card spending and Internet usage. He is borderline bipolar, and when he drinks, he becomes difficult to be around. Ted also suffers from erectile dysfunction, which causes sexual and emotional imbalances in our relationship.

I have asked Ted to get help with his addictions, but he refuses. I have sought counseling on my own to help me cope with this situation, and I returned to church looking for answers. I love Ted, but his behavior has become a huge turnoff. Is this relationship beyond repair? – Bewildered in Vermont

Dear Vermont: It is beyond repair if Ted refuses to do anything to help himself and you can no longer tolerate his behavior. There are 12-step programs for addictions, there is medication for erectile dysfunction and bipolar disease, and above all, there is counseling for those willing to work on their problems and their relationships. Give Ted one more chance to come with you for therapy. If he still refuses, ask yourself whether you are better off with him or without him.