Survey: Pre-teen girls value mom’s input on periods, bras, boys

If raising your LOL-ing, BB4N-ing tween feels akin to studying a foreign species, you may be relieved to hear she’s plagued by the same Big Questions you grappled with at her age.

“Namely the PBBs – periods, bras and boys,” says Debra Moffitt, editor at KidsHealth.org and author of “The Pink Locker Society” novels, a St. Martin’s Griffin series aimed at girls who are in, or about to enter, middle school.

“As warm weather approaches, some questions get asked more often,” she says.

And if you think your daughter doesn’t care what you have to say, research shows otherwise. A KidsHealth.org survey found that 58 percent of girls want to talk about puberty with their mom, versus 20 percent who want to discuss it with a friend and 7 percent who prefer a sister.

“They feel safer and more settled talking to their mom, and it sets you both on a good path for the long run,” Moffitt says.

She let us in on the top five “tween summer secrets,” based on the questions girls submit to pinklockersociety.org, and offered a bit of advice for mom.

• Secret No. 1: She wants to shave her legs.

Mom tip: “This is a tough one, especially for girls who have darker leg hair and are embarrassed to bare their legs in shorts season,” says Moffitt.

“If you are not ready to let her shave now, can you set an age when you will allow it? Are there alternative means of hair removal that you’d consider? If you do say OK to shaving, be sure to show her how to do it safely.”

• Secret No. 2: She has bra issues.

Mom tip: “Don’t tease your daughter about her bra, and occasionally take stock of whether the ones she has fit correctly,” Moffitt says. “Because puberty begins as early as 8 and as old as 13, there’s not a right age for a first bra.

“But both early and late bloomers worry about how they look to their peers. Late bloomers don’t want to be the only one without a bra. Girls who are developing say they’re too embarrassed to ask for a new bra when they’ve outgrown their old one.

“Bathing suits ignite a different worry: If they wear a slightly padded bra, girls fear they will be found out when their true size is revealed in their unpadded bathing suits.”

• Secret No. 3: She’s scared to swim with her period.

Mom tip: “Explain that pads won’t work in the pool,” says Moffitt. “Some girls truly don’t know this. And dispel myths that, due to the water pressure, women don’t need any period protection when they’re swimming. Very false!

“Girls and moms can be squeamish about tampon use, but consider it to avoid the loss of three good swimming weeks. Some girls need a quick anatomy lesson to understand how tampons work and that they can’t get ‘lost’ inside a woman’s body.”

• Secret No. 4: She misses her crush from school.

Mom tip: “Crushes are a common rite of passage and a normal, healthy way for tweens to start thinking about what it would be like to have a partner some day,” Moffitt says. “Every family will set their own rules on dating, but for right now, you might want to talk about whether she’s allowed to text friends who are boys.

“Keep an even temper on the subject by not teasing your daughter, not making light of her feelings, or going too far the other way and getting involved in the daily drama.”

• Secret No. 5: She’s worried about starting middle school.

Mom tip: “Ease your daughter’s worries by talking about the upcoming school year,” says Moffitt. “Share your memories of middle school with her. Did you struggle to open your locker?

“If it’s a new school for her, can you get a tour so she feels more comfortable on day one? If she has lots of questions, link her up with someone who already attends that school, a seasoned seventh- or eighth-grader.”